Locus of Control

I have long known, both as an individual and as a therapist, that personal control is a challenging notion for all of us. Control is a gift and wonderful feature of being human. In psychology they refer to this as ‘agency’. It’s our capacity to direct our life and efforts. But it is not lost on anyone that personal control surely has limits. And it is when we reach these limits that we start to struggle and suffer. Think about this situation in real terms. For instance, I have always been nervous when flying. And this has been a challenge since my long career years in comedy and speaking had me on flights regularly. Even the day before having to fly I would feel anxiety about the weather and the safety of the flight. I would feel my heart rate elevate and my palms sweating whenever there was even moderate turbulence. But the planes always took off, cruised along and landed safely. But no matter the evidence of safety I was still nervous as the next flight approached. It’s a pretty fundamental illustration of the problem of control. The psychologist Julian Rotter coined the term ‘locus of control’. In his theory he distinguished between individuals who had an ‘internal locus of control’ verses those with an ‘external locus of control’. In some situations people have no illusions of internal control and learn to cope being on the other side of this variable. But for others, like me who have a strong ‘inner locus of control’ it is a two edged sword. I utilize my agency with confidence in my life and work. But I have always been a nervous flyer! This is a circumstance where I clearly do not have control of the plane. So my struggle is to release this to the individuals who have agency here, the pilot and crew and their support systems. I need to utilize strategies to release this control through breathing and mediation. I once asked a pilot as we were leaving the plane after a harrowing flight if we were in danger. He kindly said to me ‘I have two young daughters at home. Do you think I would ever take a risk when they are waiting at home for me? He smiled and this reassured me. Where is your personal control meter and how do you cope when it is challenged?