Election Anxiety: Will & Sally discuss election tensions and their consequences
Drwillm@mac.com (00:00.194)
We have some family members that we know are divided politically. There’s where we are and where they are. And although I think some of the communication has been a little limited, we don’t really have any open antagonism toward our religious. A lot of people cannot say that. A lot of people can’t say that they have peace with their families leading up to this election and who knows what’s going to happen at the end of it.
because we don’t know. And it’s a crisis writ large in America that people have become swayed and convinced of their point of view, their candidate, let’s be blunt, and the direction of the country. And there’s a tendency to not just disagree politely with the other side, but to be angry and to even demonize the other side. And that’s clearly where we are in America right now.
I’ve never talked to anyone who
can’t confess that there’s some family members hold swaths of their family that are cut off on the other side, right? You and I are of the age before it got this bad, this intractable, aren’t we? I mean, you really made some effort to mitigate tensions in the family. Back in our day, it was, what’s the cliche?
you know, a crazy uncle or grandma or someone who was difficult to deal with at Thanksgiving, but you didn’t cut them off. You just rolled your eyes. The era of eye rolling is over. And now it’s about real anger and maybe even retribution. Where do we go? What are the ideas that are afoot to reconcile with people with whom you have completely separated? I don’t think you can really say
maybe retribution. That’s all over the news. It’s not a maybe. Retribution is coming if Trump does not get elected. Well, I get that. But, you know, there are 350 million people in America. Not everyone is going to act on retribution. You’re talking about the leaders
Drwillm@mac.com (02:23.367)
stoking revenge. But we’re having
to be challenged to keep this in perspective and to not get lost in our worst impulses. So for example, if, and you have to say that might well be, acts of revenge and vengeance that are inspired by political anger, you just have to hope that the nuts and bolts of the core system
hold sway that people are held accountable by the system. That’s the scary thing to me is that there are threats to undo the security of that system. So we don’t know where we’re going, really. We don’t really know how bad it’s going to be and what is afoot. My concern is what attitude should we have going forward? How do we approach people? Seems to me like
You don’t talk politics. And if it gets put in your face, you just respond with listening, a smile and warmth and hope that their fury passes. When people are angry and they’re met with someone who doesn’t respond with aggressive defensiveness, it disarms them. They don’t know what to do with that. When I’m out in public and I go to the supermarket,
I see someone and I’m going to admit this, I see people who I think are part of this side or that side and I don’t know. Sometimes maybe they’re wearing a political hat or something like that but the bottom line is I oftentimes, maybe this is the gift you get with some age, how I look, my comedy background, I find some way to gently tease them about nothing having to do with anything political.
but to talk to them. And the majority of people give you a smile and they look at you as, you’re a cousin, you’re a brother. This whole reconciliation issue is rooted faithfully in refrigerator rights. The research Glenn and I did about the separation of people across arbitrary lines that can’t seem to be
Drwillm@mac.com (04:52.653)
Well, that’s the human condition. It’s marital tension, it’s family tension, political tension. It’s anything and everything that divides us. It’s just probably more in your face right now than any time I can remember. Yes. I remember that there was some discussion about what we were going to become.
If John F. Kennedy is elected presid
ent, will the Pope be running the USA?
And it was, it was…
Drwillm@mac.com (05:36.877)
It was unnerving. was unnerving. Thank you. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared of losing our country. I wasn’t afraid that we would no longer be a democracy. But this part of this movement, a big part of this movement is to ruin democracy. It’s interesting you bring up the Kennedy thing. Of course, we were both kids and my family being devout Catholic.
To them, John Kennedy was right out of the gate, a heroic figure and an answer to prayer. Under the terms of reconciliation, it meant a whole lot when he was vocally reassuring he would not be in the sway of the Vatican, that he was independent. He was a devout Catholic, just like Joe Biden. He goes to mass and he loses faith. Had nothing to do with calls from the Vatican.
But that had to be reassured. And back in that day, that’s what a leader did is to say, I understand this, don’t worry about it. Just that as a reconciliation, it’s reconciling to reassure people. And we don’t have a lot of reconciling reassurance right now. People see what they’re going a lot of reconcilers. I don’t know of a voice that is telling us.
except perhaps Rachel Maddow. I haven’t heard her speak for a few weeks, but she really believes, believed that we have the capacity to prevail as a democracy.
Well, the chilling thing about that observation is I don’t hear any of that reassurance from the other side. To me, I’m trying not to be partisan, blatantly partisan in this. But the fact of the matter is that I’m distressed by how quiet the very public high profile voices are when they won’t push back against the vitriol coming out of the mouths, out of the mouth of Donald Trump.
Drwillm@mac.com (07:53.309)
I’ve known him and about him, we both have for years. for sure. And his rage and no one disagrees that he’s a narcissist, a sociopath and vengeful and spoiled and not a nice person. Right. know, writ large. But they can’t seem to get anyone in that wing of their movement to acknowledge that. How much it would help if
was like a John Kennedy type movement. Don’t worry, I’m not going to wreck democracy. He wouldn’t say that because he wants to wreck democracy. That’s been a goal. This is unlike anything we have ever experienced. It’s true. So how do you become a person who’s committed to reconciliation? I think maybe to state the obvious is own the side you’re on. You’ve made your clear where you are.
You know, talking about Trump. didn’t I? And I’m not going to be shy about that. That’s right. I think Trump is a bad individual, but I don’t detest the people who follow whatever it is he’s, you know, the party is pushing, I guess, whatever those fundamental economic issues are. OK, fine. But demonizing them gets us nowhere. So how do we in light of this incredibly
intractable and rigid divide that has stoked anger and violence, possibly talk to those people and have a relationship going forward. Maybe we need to just be apart. Maybe we just need to not communicate with them at all. Is that reconciliation? I don’t think it is. I think it would be a first step. And in that first step, I think it would be a
would reduce the urge to violence. Now, the people I have talked to that are
Drwillm@mac.com (09:58.039)
just want to dismiss Trump as. He’s great with the economy. He’s a jerk with what he says in public. He’s an entertainer. He’s, he doesn’t mean anything that he says. Those are people in his party. You’re right. And those are not voices that are espousing reconciliation. No.
with us. And I guess we have to just wait. It’s a week before the election and we’re just on pins and needles. And we’re going to just wait it out, see what the results are, pray that it doesn’t devolve into some contention about the election. We’re both, everyone I think is praying for clarity about the outcome. Just make- That’s exactly what And then going forward, take a breath. And then I guess the only thing that occurs to me
and I think this is good therapeutic advice, is to keep observing, but get small, retreat into your important work, your relationships, the people around you, the people who you can communicate with. And if they desire to have some intense political talk, okay, join in if it helps, but basically go back to life. This too shall pass. Who is the…
person who first
about us returning to our village. that’s Susan Pinker. I’ve referenced her so many times in my public speaking. I’m just a real fan. I’m a fan of this notion that she espouses. She’s the psychologist from Canada, Dr. Susan Pinker, who was interested in the phenomena of blue zones. And blue zones are places in the world, communities, villages, places.
Drwillm@mac.com (11:55.883)
where the local population oddly seems to defy age limitations. They live a long time, blue zones. And the place she studied was Sardinia, the Mediterranean, where the population lives into their 90s and beyond. And it’s not that they have stereotypical health programs or diet. They have a Mediterranean diet is generally healthy. There was no indication that they’re in the gymnasium all the time. They had this idea that they were safe in her village.
Now I know that, I know many of them, some of them smoked and they lived to be in their 90s and over 100. And they didn’t have gyms. No, that I recall that wasn’t a feature. But basically it was about the power, the psychological power of feeling safe. And I was reading this in conjunction with my intense training on trauma during the pandemic when my professional
interests turned with fervor to the area of traumatic injury and trauma recovery. And trauma is when, as Basil van der Kolk, who’s the guru, says, it’s simply, you don’t feel safe. You don’t feel safe. So if you don’t feel safe, then step two is then how then do you act or react in light of the fact that you don’t feel safe? And the cliche, it’s not a cliche, it’s observation, is fight, flight, or freeze.
So when you are scared or threatened, you can fight, you can flee, or you can freeze. And freeze is oftentimes the more common experience for many people, especially victims of abuse that I work with and my hero Nora works with. And freeze is the only option you sometimes have. And so it’s a crisis in the society and the culture globally. How do you attend to that?
attend to it by taking steps to engaging those victims in ways that make them feel safe. And I’ll be talking a lot about this in this podcast. So Susan Pinker, The Village Effect is really a worthy read and will give you insights into the whole notion of reconciliation. And is it possible when you’d like to expel someone from your village, can you possibly still live in the village with them? It takes two to tango.
Drwillm@mac.com (14:23.339)
The call for this reconciliation is a call of advocacy to join us from the other side. I know you’re furious and you can’t stand people on my side, this side, but you too have a human obligation to just take a breath and calm down and say, is this the human being I want to be? I’ll tell you, it will shorten your life. It will ruin relationships.
it will be a really painful way to live day to day. To live in angst and fear and fury and self-righteousness. I don’t know how many years you can calculate it takes off your life, but it’s a bunch. Hearts don’t like that. Systems in the body don’t like that. So this is the first take on the reconciliation theme. I’ll put this in the editing can.
and we’ll see how it comes out. And I think what I’ll do is I’ll add a tag in the beginning, the definition of reconciling and reconciliation. It’s worthy and boy is it urgent and it is needed. Think about what you did as principal. You were a person who reconciled the differences among teachers and staff, with kids, with parents. You were in the reconciling business professionally. And I don’t think that just
avoiding the other side.
is a successful reconciliation. There has to be some interaction that you can have from one side to the other that both can at least agree to. And communicate across that divide. I’m not a threat to you. You don’t like what I say or do or believe both ways.
Drwillm@mac.com (16:25.559)
but I’m not a threat. We can talk. And if you’re talking, you ain’t hitting. That’s where we’re trying to get to. Okay, America, no hitting. Take a breath, breathe during the week and pray that the outcome is settled and peaceful. And as we have to move on, that we move on. And remember, this too shall pass. Thank you. Stay tuned for the next episode. Go to DrWill.com.
And also on Facebook, go to The Gathering. That’s the ministry that I lead and Sally and I lead. that’s where my happy place is, our happy place. So have a great week.
