Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

Perhaps it was the intensity of being on the East Coast where I traveled to speak. Spending a few days in Boston, a great city to visit, I got caught up as I usually do in the hot rhythm of the city’s pace. Looking back on the observations this week are realized I have been ranting, intense like a man on fire. So perhaps it’s fitting that I conclude this week of froth with a reflection on the futility of purposeless intensity.

I suppose it goes along with having passion for my life and work that it is an ever present challenge to rein in my intensity, to direct my energy with more focus and less spill over. As I approach my seventh decade of life it is still a challenge to be a person of greater serenity without surrendering my enthusiasm for my ministry. My sister Pat is a therapist in Virginia and has worked for many years in hospice with dying patients. It’s evident that this experience has gone a long way toward shaping her perspective, a perspective I admire and seek to emulate. If I have trouble with this life and never, blessed as I am, it’s no wonder that society is free quickly plagued by the misdirected passions of people whose lives are characterized by relentless suffering. So many people feel trapped, and they are trapped behind walls of their relationships, their debt or the homes of their childhood. What do they do with their energy?

While it may seem like a stretch intellectually, this issue feels very connected to me with my work promoting social connection, for my speaking and writing on refrigerator rights. You know, the kind of relationships with people who can just come into a refrigerator without needing to ask permission. These are the very kinds of connections and friendships that are missing in the lives of most Americans. When our lifestyle is characterized by radical individuality and social isolation we wind up becoming dependent on our own personal, emotional resources. And quite frankly, from a psychological point of view this is simply not adequate to maintain an equilibrium in our mood.

Struggling with a personality characterized by too much emotional intensity is, for me, a symptom of not having enough interpersonal outlets to keep our mood stable. A significant part of personal health is having the ability and freedom to speak candidly with those who care about us about what thrills us and what frustrates us in our work and with our families. Without having these connections, we are at risk to vent in inappropriate places. Therapists refer to this as displaced anger. It comes out in any variety of odd settings, from the way we drive to the ideology we attach to, and are in tolerance for the behavior of strangers we encounter every day.

Given that I have spent most of this week venting about things in the culture, it tells me I probably need to get some contact with family and friends. I will do that this weekend, and hope you have opportunities to do the same. Have a great couple of days and spend some time with people who care about you, or begin the process of creating those kinds of connections.

Monday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Can’t anybody keep it zipped? When news comes out about some coddled celebrity, actor, musician or athlete cheating on their spouse, taking advantage of their fame, it’s so pathetically common that we now tend to go ho-hum. But as I observed last Friday, television “news journalists”  have been similarly elevated to the status of stardom. And so I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise that even the news icon Barbara Walters has publicly confessed to carrying on an illicit affair with former Massachusetts senator Edward Brooke. Holy Ink Stain, Batman!

Yes, even Barbara Walters, at one time the "go-to" babe in television journalism compromised her industry’s ethics by carrying on with a powerful politician. So much for objectivity. Senator Brooke was America’s first African-American senator, and a man of sophistication and brilliance. Or so we thought. Turns out he too violated not only his marriage vows, but breached the ethics of his office by crossing the line with someone charged with reporting objectively on the work of government!

What is particularly uncomfortable was the casual way that Walters confessed her transgression, on the Oprah Winfrey Show in Las Vegas of all places. How fitting! Well, score another point for those who believe that American character continues to sink. As much as the American public has become numb to shocking stories about famous people behaving badly, this one’s a beaut. An admired journatlist carrying on with a Senator.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive. I know stuff like this happens all the time. But it is an especially outrageous breach of professional ethics for a news professional to get cozy with a sitting politician while on the job covering the affairs of government. Sorry, I refuse to be so cynical that I let it all pass by as business as usual.

The celebrity culture is an infection on civilization. And I suspect that the underlying culprit here is the system that makes journalism a career that elevates its workers to celebrity, stardom, wealth and influence. It certainly takes a special character to resist the inclination to self-aggrandizement and an expectation of privilege. And celebrity status is taken to presume license to do whatever feels good, regardless of the costs paid by others. Is it any wonder that cynicism rumbles through the society and more people, even those bemusedly looking in on the news taken all with a grain of salt. Barbara Walters sleeping with a sitting senator. Pathetic.

Thursday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The news of the day is filled with stress producing events. Gas is four dollars a gallon, the war in Iraq has no end, the economy is tanking and health care costs are sinking families. The stress is getting unbearable. But where can people find relief? While many are helped by available medications, most just try to suck it up and endure the pressures of modern life.

If you speak with any mental health professional they will tell you that only a fraction of those who need counseling help actually get it. Despite the fact that we have record numbers of people suffering treatable depression and anxiety due to stress, few get the help they need. Among the reasons is the lingering stigma of therapy. You know, the cliche notion that seeking help means that you are “crazy.” So rather than getting emotional relief, people opt to suffer in silence.

Some experts see a hopeful possibility in the new technologies that could combine professional help with the attractive feature of privacy that comes with online interactions. In fact there has been an explosion of counseling and therapy services offered online. Internet therapy sites have sprung up over the past five years and now number near 400. The idea promises to help those too timid to seek help in person. There is little evidence so far about how effective online psychological treatment can be. The most significant concern is assuring the professional competence of the counselors who would be interacting with vulnerable people.

While online treatment is better than no treatment at all, the preferable approach to emotional problems is a face-to-face encounter with a reputable therapist. It is in the relationship that counselors cultivate with patients that is a central factor in recovery process. While a relationship can be forged online, it does not have the same power as an in-person experience.

2. The therapist’s biography mentions that he works part-time as a nightclub ventriloquist.

3. The educational background of your counselor just says “The School of Hard Knocks.”

4. In response to your description of a panic attack, the therapist suggests a glass of bourbon.

5. After describing your depression, the therapist responds with “LOL.”

6. After 3 online sessions, your therapist shows up at your house.

7. After 2 months of treatment you discover that the therapist is secretly emailing your mother.

8. Your therapist suggests a video chat session and he appears on screen with mohawk haircut and tiny, decaying teeth.

9. To pay for treatment your counselor insists on money orders sent to an address in Costa Rica.

10. The therapist suggests that you prepare for a marital confrontation by role playing the event with your dog.

Thursday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The YouTube phenomenon has changed the equation for triggering shock and awe. Most mature Americans have weathered so many bizarre spectacles in the culture that we feel numb to the impact of the latest shenanigans of our fellow citizens. But every once in a while a new bottom is hit. But with the easy ability for morons and sociopaths to record and post on the Internet, old records for horror stories are up for grabs.

And so it is this week with the revolting footage of a group of Florida high school girls arranging a brutal beat down of another student because she had dissed them on her MySpace page. The video is sickening as these coed thugs beat the girl into unconsciousness. And the half dozen perpetrators took turns punching the victim as she was held down by their friends.

Certainly the future for these twits is forever altered, perhaps ruined. It is likely that they will be tried as adults and jailed for some time. And it begs the question, how did these teenagers get to a place where they planned and carried out the elaborate scheme for violence? And what were their expectations about the consequences knowing it was to be taped and posted online? They are obviously disturbed and will pay the price.

More frustrating is the continuing ability of parents to escape the consequences of the actions of their sociopathic children. This behavior did not come out of the blue. These girls were criminals long before they acted in this scene. Surely Mom and Dad were aware that their little girl was a psycho. What steps did they take to intervene, get help or otherwise corral the young beast?

While I am well aware that there are adolescents with genetic, biological inclinations toward antisocial behavior, in the majority of cases bad teenagers got that way because parents did not hold them accountable over their earlier, formative years.

The rigors of parenting demand relentless, consistent boundaries. Exhaustion is not an excuse. Rearing children means teaching, disciplining and controlling behavior, demanding that the child abide by the rules and conduct of civility. Throwing up your hands in exasperation is not an option.

For those parents who, through self pity or disconnection have allowed their children to become criminals wreaking havoc on their community, it’s time they paid a price as well as the cretin they spawned. It’s time that some parents went to jail with their kids.

Wednesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The tour of the Olympic Torch was cancelled yesterday after repeated aggressive protests doused the flame several times. After trying to have the tour on a bus through London, and with Paris just as riled up, the organizers finally quit the futile effort. Wonder what the Chinese leaders are making of all this? Surely they had to see this coming.

China’s violent storm into Tibet is a mind boggling miscalculation of its impact on their feel good public relations endeavor with the approaching Summer Olympics.

Gee, let’s see, we are hosting an epic good will global event and can use it to debut the new China to the world. So, okay, what’s on the agenda? Say, isn’t it a good time to get the whole Tibet headache off our plate before the big games? Yeah, that’s a great idea. Send in the troops and shoot those monks.

Aside from the serious issue of violence between a government and citizens, it begs a larger, albeit cynical question: What kind of idiots are running that show over there? Don’t have cable? Don’t they scan the Internet? Are they that obtuse about the impact of their aggressive behavior on world opinion? Are they so detached from the rest of the world that they feel immune from the consequences these actions will certainly have on their big show this summer?

And to put icing on the cake, they plan a high profile tour of the Olympic torch across the world. What did they think was going to happen?

Can you say tin ear?

I have always been troubled when the Olympic Games become a political football kicked around by politicians wanting to give messages through the event. The past boycotts (1980 in the U.S.S.R. & 1984 in the U.S.) as well as the political turmoil surrounding the games every four years gets to be just a lot of gas for power hungry leaders. But it hurts the innocent athletes who have their life dreams and years of anonymous labor dismissed in one moment of arrogance and hubris.

And here we go again, because the Chinese have a bug in their bonnet for cracking down on Tibet and its independent culture. Its yet another reminder that people in power have an irresistible urge to force others to their way of thinking and living. Is there no end to this sin?

Thursday, Las Vegas, Nevada

The worst part of traveling alone is definitely the circumstance of having to eat alone. For all the years I have been on the road it has become a habit to eat take out food in the hotel room rather than feel like a loser alone in a restaurant. So this evening in Las Vegas I stopped in to a local Italian restaurant to order dinner. While waiting at the bar all the giant televisions were showing the latest craze among disaffected, angry men Ultimate Fighting.

You know this spectacle - two macho idiots in a ring beating the crap out of each other. This sport is like a hybrid of boxing, wrestling and a variety of martial arts and street fighting. The two combatants are allowed to not just punch but kick and wrestle each other as well. I don’t think biting is allowed but I’m not really sure.

It just looks like two knuckleheads who got drunk at a pub and then went out back to brawl over an insult to one of their girlfriends. I may be wrong but watching the post fight interviews it doesn’t appear that these guys are teaching at a college or in charge of anyone’s retirement account. One guy I saw tonight had so much cartilage on his ears that there were no contours like on a normal ear. I don’t know what this means except he fit my description of an individual who stakes their human happiness on being successful in ultimate fighting.

Where have we come as a society that viewers are getting a vicarious thrill out of watching two morons street fight for money and acclaim? Where do they take their careers from here? I cannot imagine that these guys are left with the prospect of showing off their championship rings in their fifties while handing over burgers through a drive up window.

It seems that we are so utterly frustrated as a society that we are looking for any opportunity to expel our pent up frustration in whatever way we can - even if it means sitting in a pub drinking beer and watching something as idiotic as the cat fights called Ultimate Fighting.

Can you say brain damage?

Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Despite his denials & renunciations, Barack Obama is being stained by association with his church pastor whose inflammatory speech has drawn justified criticism. Despite the defense that the preacher is being taken out of context, Reverend Jeremiah Wright is on record for spewing outlandish, provocative words. Among them was his sermon where he shouted “God damn America.”

And these words were uttered from his pulpit a few weeks after the terrorist attack on September 11th. Say what!?

No matter what justification is given about context of the time and place, such rhetoric is unforgivable and bound to return to haunt you. Even if the point is valid that some of America’s past actions around the world been shameful, there are language choices that are appropriate, even as the words are confrontational. To call on America to accept responsibility for our sins is appropriate in a Sunday sermon. It is a responsibility to advocate atonement even as we express gratitude for our overwhelming blessings. But Wright’s enraged rants smack of stage performance showboating.

Nothing good comes from such flamboyant sermonizing except theatrics in the moment, performing to the audience in the pews. It is all so much gas! And guess what? It has come back to confront him and Obama. What’s the good that comes from screeching preaching? Not much beyond the moment of thrill that excites the audience.

When I was performing as a nightclub comic, we used to shake out heads when a performer found a stage device that manipulated the audience. There were some, for instance that would play a popular rock song to accompany their act and then take the bow that rightfully belonged to the musician that was playing in the background. And so it is with pastors who get a vicarious thrill of being a star in front of a few thousand people in their captive audience.

I have some advice for the Pastor Wright’s of the world: if you need to get your rocks off in front of fans, do it the old fashioned way: go to audition night at the local comedy club or show up for the American Idol auditions. These are the venues that honor verbal shack and awe.

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

The news over the weekend had the usual buffet of political doings, crime and the dramatic weather plaguing the Southeast. But the ever rising story these days is the teetering economy.

Beginning with the mortgage crisis that has driven thousands into foreclosure it’s having ripple effects through the banking industry and the other markets. The reporters I listened to sounded pessimistic and even alarmed.

Well, that’s just great!
Just what America needs - more nail biting stress.

Of course stress in America is old news. Nonetheless, we still haven’t figured out how to effectively alleviate it. What is worsening is the depth and scale of our stress. And few things gnaw at us with more debilitating intensity than financial uncertainty. Because when the snowball starts rolling, so many parts of our lives get run over. Our companies suffer and that means our jobs might be at stake. And with unemployment comes anxiety about our bills, our mortgages, kids education, even food.

Oh, and gas is four dollars a gallon. Good Heavens! Who’s running this ship?

At times like these - and I don’t remember a lot of times like these - I resort to the core strategies:
I pray and I cling to my family and friends. Hope you do the same. In the meantime, let’s hope that this recession - whether already here or right around the corner - lifts quickly.

I want you to be reading this journal at breaks on your job, not sitting home looking through the paper to find a job.

1. At the first staff meeting after a big company merger, you meet a person with you exact same title and responsibilities. They’re 10 years younger and better looking then you.

10. In the annual report, your image has been photoshopped out of the staff photo.

Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

The Presidential race is still up for grabs. Down to three candidates, McCain, Clinton and Obama, the cable news networks are filling dozens of hours a day with analysis, covering every nuance of the campaign.

And these days there’s increasingly more noise - you know, “breaking news” noise. There is not a focused on issues like the economy, health care and the war (remember that?). Instead we hear about a staff member or supporter who makes an inflammatory remark about the opponent. And again, it is unrelated to the candidate’s views or platform. They target qualities like age, gender or race.

It’s all so revolting!

It is particularly nasty on the Democratic side where Hillary and Barack are nearly tied. Each candidate has had their character impugned - Hillary is a “monster” and Barack’s middle name intimates that he is cozy with Islamic terrorists. So far the actual candidates have distanced themselves from the fray, but the news media keeps entertaining us with the irrelevant soap opera. The most recent episode happened this week when Clinton cut off Geraldine Ferraro for her bonehead remarks about Obama’s race. And he in turn canned the advisor who called Hillary the M word. And McCain has slapped down a local radio host and the Iowa Congressman for their embarrassing rants about Obama.

It could be that like so many recent elections the final count will be close. But there is a growing sense of swelling frustration and rage across the country that cuts across a wide swath of the political landscape. And it might well erupt in November. There is a feeling in the air of a voter uprising against whole mess that is the political environment. From moralist officials caught with hookers and in men’s room trysts, combined with an endless war and spending into bankruptcy how much more will the electorate take?

I just have a feeling it will change in November. And if it is true then if I were betting I would put my money right now on the next President being Barack Obama. Unless some new bombshell sinks him (which of course is possible at any time), he appears to be the most disconnected from the status quo that has alienated the populace. If this should come to pass, I confess to a fear that, given the virulent hatred that rumbles across the country, harm might come to him. And this is a trauma too many citizens my age dread revisiting!

But wether it is President Obama, McCain or Clinton, I am prepared to be supportive of their new direction. Despite the rhetoric of campaigning I believe all three individuals are centrist enough to bridge some of the ugly divide exacerbated by President Bush whose choices in advisors and actions has disappointed me more than any other President in my lifetime. For the sake of our country recovering from a long and deep depression, it’s time for some light and peace.

Why is civility rocket science?

Whoever prevails, I hope the next President will change the tone and tenor of American culture to lift the depression gripping us and harming us around the globe. I pray the next President will do a better, more deft job of balancing focused action smashing terrorists without such collateral damage. And it’s past time that everyone was asked to be involved in our national efforts instead of putting it on the backs of a small number of young heroes (including four of my nephews!) doing all the heavy lifting.

I simply do not believe the hand wringing platitudes of the current "deciders." Because deciding to go to war is a lot easier from an air conditioned office in Washington.

Watching the press conference where the disgraced New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned I was shocked to see his wife Silda.

My God, she’s beautiful…

and he looks like a Muppet!

She’s a gorgeous Harvard Law School graduate!

What’s he looking for that isn’t standing next to him?

He diserves his disgrace for his sheer stupidy, even beyond his immorality.

And as far as that goes, my question for her is, "why isn’t he in a cast?"