Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

It seems that finally, the the era of the nut job pastors might be coming to an end. Since the news has been covering the reprehensible statements of so many high profile ministers, the public has developed an appropriate gag reflex for the hypocrisy and rancor of these hate mongers in robes. The righteous repudiation of “Reverend’s” Wright, Hagee and Rod Parsley by the candidates is long overdue.

From my point of view, these entertainers are masquerading as “pastors,” getting their ego’s stroked as celebrities in their churches. Some have hidden behind their clergy robes and…what is especially scandalous…behind the cross, the Christian symbol of humility, in order to attack, judge and instigate hate among the hungry seekers in the pews. They whip up the fervor and passions of the frustrated, powerless people in the pews by using emotional manipulation and provocative speech. They get carried away and before long there is a record of their hate speech that, even if taken out of context, is shameful.

Years ago the Christian Coalition was launched and their intentions sounded noble. As one of their leaders suggested, they were not looking to dominate politics, they just “wanted a place at the table.” And that is more than fine, it is as it should be. The voice of moral authority is essential for a nation’s leadership. However, over the past two decades the role that religion has often played is so out of balance, dominated by the most legalistic and inflexible voices, that it has become a scourge. Not only are non believers swayed, they are repelled by the self righteous anger of, especially Christian clergy.

Well, you got the picture.

When did it settle in that evangelical theology became synonymous with Republican ideology? Who made the decision that mainline protestant churches were aligned with the liberal ideology of the Democratic party? It’s all nonsense, and destructive at that. It bears little resemblance to the message of faith, hope and love that is the centerpiece of the preaching of Jesus.

The church in the public square might simply be embarrassing if it wasn’t turning so many seeking souls away from the joy and comfort that is actually offered in the real lives of ordinary believers across all the denominations each sabbath. The distance between what actually goes on in most churches - caring, service and love - is a chasm away from how the Church is heard in the media in public.

I just wish some of these “Pastors” would sit down and shut their big yappers!

- The chair in his office sits 2 feet higher than the visitors chair

- Your pastor wears a large diamond pinky ring

- His children are instructed to address him as “the Reverend Doctor Father”

- Your pastor has written 10 books of theology (although none have been published)

- When reading a transcript of sermons the most common phrase is “the Lord told me…”

- The pastor’s front tooth is embossed with a ruby

- You spot your pastor at the grocery store & he’s wearing a papal hat & embroidered robe

- Your pastor drives a Bentley with a clergy license plate

- When preaching the pastor arranges a piercing light to shine down illuminating their face

- When attending church conferences out of town the pastor insists on flying on a private jet

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

When people feel helpless they can become desperate; and desperate people become dangerous.  As the economy continues to convulse and with gas prices at four dollars a gallon, millions of working class people are clearly feeling desperate. This situation means that we need to be on the alert for more frequent acts of public anger. It is a challenge for all of us to work hard to keep our cool in spite of provocations to lose our patience. Certainly this is a challenge for me, because patients is not one of my gifts.

It has been my experience, however, that when a provocation is so extremely excessive that it actually tends to overwhelm me and shutdown my reaction. As we are does it sounds, paying three dollars a gallon for gas irritated me no end; but four dollars a gallon is so extreme that I just shake my head in resignation. I do find it a strange phenomenon that small in your occasions tend to set me off more than extreme provocations. However, whether minor or major I have very little patience when I feel that people are being taken advantage of, that my anger is righteous. Then my impatience becomes biblical.

Biblical anger is usually described using the term wrath. Wrath is more than simply losing your temper. It is a deeply held anger that can become an emotional wild fire. It is strongly associated with divine anger - the wrath of God, for instance. It intimates retribution - anger in response to a wrong. It has the feel of being rightful rage. And while this is valid for God, there is a danger when people rise to the level of indignant wrath. By assuming a position of certainty and entitlement about your anger you commit a sin of wrath. At its root, it is connected to pride - I have a right to be angry. I am in the right and know that my anger is justified. This is always a dicey assumption for human beings to hold.

At a time in our country when so many of us are feeling the frustrations about financial pressures on top of the worries about the security of our jobs and uncertainties about how we are behaving around the world, it is natural to succumb to the emotions of frustration and anger. But for most of us, who are without power to change the larger situation, this anger, even righteous wrath is essentially a futility. All we can do is participate when we can (through our vote, for instance) and let the rest of it go. I am focusing on my work and my opportunities for service as I await for things to get better. It’s the only way I know to maintain a sense of peace in the midst of the anxious uncertainties. Where are you on the wrath scale?

1. You seethe for months at the local supermarket manager after he fails to resupply the seedless grapes in a timely fashion

2. You feel snubbed at least twice every day

3. You have perfected the facial expression of glaring

4. When irked your voice involuntarily lowers two full octaves

5. You have made so many complaint reports to the police that they immediately recognize your voice

6. When speaking at the local Toastmasters meeting you choose to berate the audience for perceived offenses

7. Within a few minutes of observing their behavior you regularly conclude that an individual is going to hell

8. After an anger episode you need to change your sweat-drenched clothing

9. When cut off on the road you chose to follow the offender rather than meet your scheduled appointment

10. You often have dreams where God is telling you about the sinfulness of people you know

Wednesday, Atlanta, Georgia

Yesterday I confessed that for many years I have been an anxious flyer. This in spite of the fact that dialogue nearly 150,000 miles a year in the air. Most flights on pretty calm. But my anxiety becomes heightened anytime I experience a particularly turbulent or otherwise scary flight. And of course, there was that story I related about the disgruntled 19-year-old flight attendant who actually set fire to his plane while it was still IN FLIGHT in order to force its landing! But you kidding me!? As far as I’m concerned, this bonehead should be forced to take his next flight while strapped to the wing of a plane. Let’s see how he likes that route!

In any event, after being involved in any harrowing, traumatic experience that causes you to fear for your life, it is not uncommon to experience what therapists diagnose as an “adjustment disorder.” Adjustment disorders are probably the most common diagnosis… although in fact it is frequently not formally diagnosed at all because most people don’t seek treatment when they are suffering. But the term describes the condition very accurately.

When something happens to you that derails your normal routine, it is not uncommon to have a reaction that only further disorients you. In such cases you have what is known as a “maladaptive response” to whatever it is that has happened to you. When a therapist assigns this diagnosis, it indicates that although your response to the stressful event is “maladaptive” it does not mean that you are suffering from any other mental illness. In addition, the diagnosis is not usually given in the aftermath of a loss that causes grief.

Adjustment disorders don’t usually last very long, but they can be very uncomfortable. As far as what causes a person to have an adjustment disorder, naturally it varies depending on the meaning of the event to the individual. As a result the diagnosis is essentially a subjective judgment by a therapist that your reaction to an event is outside the bounds of what would be considered a normal reaction. Obviously the more the therapist knows about you and your temperament, the better judgment I can make about what would constitute an extreme reaction, a reaction that is abnormal for you in particular.

The reason adjustment disorders are so common, is because the root cause is usually the struggle to adjust to a major change. And in modern life, disruptive change has become the norm. There are very few people who are not coping with a life characterized by significant change, sometimes very turbulent change. This can involve alterations in relationships, the status of your company or your job in particular, a change in behavior of your child or the status of your health. You can even come about in the aftermath of what was considered to be a positive change. For instance a relocation that you’re excited about initially in turn out to be an adjustment that is more profound than you were ready to negotiate. The same could be said about a desired job promotion, where the edit responsibilities become difficult to manage.

The treatment for an adjustment disorder is openly communicating about the stressful event in the struggle you’re having adapting to it. And while it is certainly helpful to have this ongoing conversation with the professional therapist, a lot of the same results can be experienced with a strong social support system, family and friends who are available and caring and ready to listen and offer encouragement.
In the DSM-IV six recognized types of adjustment disorders are recognized, and each has unique features.

There are Adjustment Disorders with:

1. Depressed mood can include tearfulness and feelings of hopelessness
2. Anxiety can includes excessive worry and nervous jitters
3. Anxiety & depressed mood (a combination of the above two).
4. Disturbance of conduct (reckless behavior, fighting, property destruction.
5. Mixed disturbance of emotions & conduct (depression, anxiety & conduct).
6. Unspecified in which the reaction to stressful events does not fit any of the other subtypes.

In addition to the above 6 descriptions consider some additional types of adjustment disorders:

Adjustment Disorder…

- with incessant marathon running causing a precipitous loss of body mass

- with projectile vomiting which erupts without warning at dinner parties

- with inappropriate nail clipping resulting in very tiny finger and toe nails

- with verbal outbursts where fits of foul language are shouted in public

- with binge eating to a point where body mass is doubled within three months

- with the Heebee Jeebees featuring inappropriate jumping in place

- with formal dress where daily attire always includes a tuxedo

- with nudity combining refusal to dress with an insistence on travel

- with chain saw fetish characterized by indiscriminate cutting down of neighborhood trees

- with reckless gunplay featuring flagrant waving of a pistol at slight provocation

Tuesday, Atlanta, Georgia

I am really willing to confess that I have always been a nervous flyer. Although I rack up well over 100,000 miles a year I have never gotten comfortable flying. Whenever he give his speech it always includes a comedy routine that describes my fear. And that fear is fairly primitive… it’s the fear of crashing! The anxiety I feel with turbulence and unfamiliar noises is squarely rooted in my anticipation that we are falling out of the sky!

I make no bones about the fact that I often opt to drive to a presentation, even long distances, rather than fly. No, I’m not completely nuts. I wouldn’t drive to Los Angeles or Seattle. But if the drive is less than seven or eight hours, I’m behind the wheel. This week, for instance, I opted to drive to Atlanta, Georgia, a drive of about 8 hours, rather than enduring the discomforts of a flight from, through and into thunderstorms. I just don’t trust the judgment of the pilots, who, although extremely well trained and competent, might perhaps be willing to take risks with my life that I’m not willing to take on my own.

And then, of course, every once in a while a story hits the news that brings me no comfort. This week was a beaut! A maladjusted young flight attendant purposely set a fire in his plane’s bathroom while it was in the air! This idiot, frustrated that he was assigned to a certain route, decided to take matters into his own hands and forced the plane to land prematurely. Say what!?

Eder Rojas, who by the way, according to the news report is 19 years old, risked the lives of over 75 people because he was ticked off. First of all, how does someone get to be a working flight attendant at 19 years old? I mean, I know the airlines are screwed up these days, but are they that desperate? Rojas, who faces 20 years in prison, snuck a cigarette lighter on board and ignited the paper towels in the bathroom. Of course the alarm went off indicating a fire in the rear of the plane and the pilot made an emergency landing. I must say that if I was on that plane, and found out that the flight attendant had lit a fire in the air, I’m pretty confident I could havd organized an impromptu mob and beaten him to death with peanut bags.

So in the age of uncertainty, (and of course I know the airline safety record is nothing short of spectacular) I now must add the task of scrutinizing the emotional stability of the entire crew when I step on to my next flight. That’s just great!

When, for the love of all that is holy, will this country put together a decent railroad system? Yeah, I know they can tip over, but I’d rather take my chances rolling over on the ground then screaming head first into the ground on a plane with an irritated flight attendant.

As a practicing shrink, you’d think I’d be more well-adjusted about this matter. Well… I’m not!

Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

Perhaps it was the intensity of being on the East Coast where I traveled to speak. Spending a few days in Boston, a great city to visit, I got caught up as I usually do in the hot rhythm of the city’s pace. Looking back on the observations this week are realized I have been ranting, intense like a man on fire. So perhaps it’s fitting that I conclude this week of froth with a reflection on the futility of purposeless intensity.

I suppose it goes along with having passion for my life and work that it is an ever present challenge to rein in my intensity, to direct my energy with more focus and less spill over. As I approach my seventh decade of life it is still a challenge to be a person of greater serenity without surrendering my enthusiasm for my ministry. My sister Pat is a therapist in Virginia and has worked for many years in hospice with dying patients. It’s evident that this experience has gone a long way toward shaping her perspective, a perspective I admire and seek to emulate. If I have trouble with this life and never, blessed as I am, it’s no wonder that society is free quickly plagued by the misdirected passions of people whose lives are characterized by relentless suffering. So many people feel trapped, and they are trapped behind walls of their relationships, their debt or the homes of their childhood. What do they do with their energy?

While it may seem like a stretch intellectually, this issue feels very connected to me with my work promoting social connection, for my speaking and writing on refrigerator rights. You know, the kind of relationships with people who can just come into a refrigerator without needing to ask permission. These are the very kinds of connections and friendships that are missing in the lives of most Americans. When our lifestyle is characterized by radical individuality and social isolation we wind up becoming dependent on our own personal, emotional resources. And quite frankly, from a psychological point of view this is simply not adequate to maintain an equilibrium in our mood.

Struggling with a personality characterized by too much emotional intensity is, for me, a symptom of not having enough interpersonal outlets to keep our mood stable. A significant part of personal health is having the ability and freedom to speak candidly with those who care about us about what thrills us and what frustrates us in our work and with our families. Without having these connections, we are at risk to vent in inappropriate places. Therapists refer to this as displaced anger. It comes out in any variety of odd settings, from the way we drive to the ideology we attach to, and are in tolerance for the behavior of strangers we encounter every day.

Given that I have spent most of this week venting about things in the culture, it tells me I probably need to get some contact with family and friends. I will do that this weekend, and hope you have opportunities to do the same. Have a great couple of days and spend some time with people who care about you, or begin the process of creating those kinds of connections.

Monday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Can’t anybody keep it zipped? When news comes out about some coddled celebrity, actor, musician or athlete cheating on their spouse, taking advantage of their fame, it’s so pathetically common that we now tend to go ho-hum. But as I observed last Friday, television “news journalists”  have been similarly elevated to the status of stardom. And so I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise that even the news icon Barbara Walters has publicly confessed to carrying on an illicit affair with former Massachusetts senator Edward Brooke. Holy Ink Stain, Batman!

Yes, even Barbara Walters, at one time the "go-to" babe in television journalism compromised her industry’s ethics by carrying on with a powerful politician. So much for objectivity. Senator Brooke was America’s first African-American senator, and a man of sophistication and brilliance. Or so we thought. Turns out he too violated not only his marriage vows, but breached the ethics of his office by crossing the line with someone charged with reporting objectively on the work of government!

What is particularly uncomfortable was the casual way that Walters confessed her transgression, on the Oprah Winfrey Show in Las Vegas of all places. How fitting! Well, score another point for those who believe that American character continues to sink. As much as the American public has become numb to shocking stories about famous people behaving badly, this one’s a beaut. An admired journatlist carrying on with a Senator.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive. I know stuff like this happens all the time. But it is an especially outrageous breach of professional ethics for a news professional to get cozy with a sitting politician while on the job covering the affairs of government. Sorry, I refuse to be so cynical that I let it all pass by as business as usual.

The celebrity culture is an infection on civilization. And I suspect that the underlying culprit here is the system that makes journalism a career that elevates its workers to celebrity, stardom, wealth and influence. It certainly takes a special character to resist the inclination to self-aggrandizement and an expectation of privilege. And celebrity status is taken to presume license to do whatever feels good, regardless of the costs paid by others. Is it any wonder that cynicism rumbles through the society and more people, even those bemusedly looking in on the news taken all with a grain of salt. Barbara Walters sleeping with a sitting senator. Pathetic.

Thursday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The news of the day is filled with stress producing events. Gas is four dollars a gallon, the war in Iraq has no end, the economy is tanking and health care costs are sinking families. The stress is getting unbearable. But where can people find relief? While many are helped by available medications, most just try to suck it up and endure the pressures of modern life.

If you speak with any mental health professional they will tell you that only a fraction of those who need counseling help actually get it. Despite the fact that we have record numbers of people suffering treatable depression and anxiety due to stress, few get the help they need. Among the reasons is the lingering stigma of therapy. You know, the cliche notion that seeking help means that you are “crazy.” So rather than getting emotional relief, people opt to suffer in silence.

Some experts see a hopeful possibility in the new technologies that could combine professional help with the attractive feature of privacy that comes with online interactions. In fact there has been an explosion of counseling and therapy services offered online. Internet therapy sites have sprung up over the past five years and now number near 400. The idea promises to help those too timid to seek help in person. There is little evidence so far about how effective online psychological treatment can be. The most significant concern is assuring the professional competence of the counselors who would be interacting with vulnerable people.

While online treatment is better than no treatment at all, the preferable approach to emotional problems is a face-to-face encounter with a reputable therapist. It is in the relationship that counselors cultivate with patients that is a central factor in recovery process. While a relationship can be forged online, it does not have the same power as an in-person experience.

2. The therapist’s biography mentions that he works part-time as a nightclub ventriloquist.

3. The educational background of your counselor just says “The School of Hard Knocks.”

4. In response to your description of a panic attack, the therapist suggests a glass of bourbon.

5. After describing your depression, the therapist responds with “LOL.”

6. After 3 online sessions, your therapist shows up at your house.

7. After 2 months of treatment you discover that the therapist is secretly emailing your mother.

8. Your therapist suggests a video chat session and he appears on screen with mohawk haircut and tiny, decaying teeth.

9. To pay for treatment your counselor insists on money orders sent to an address in Costa Rica.

10. The therapist suggests that you prepare for a marital confrontation by role playing the event with your dog.

Thursday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The YouTube phenomenon has changed the equation for triggering shock and awe. Most mature Americans have weathered so many bizarre spectacles in the culture that we feel numb to the impact of the latest shenanigans of our fellow citizens. But every once in a while a new bottom is hit. But with the easy ability for morons and sociopaths to record and post on the Internet, old records for horror stories are up for grabs.

And so it is this week with the revolting footage of a group of Florida high school girls arranging a brutal beat down of another student because she had dissed them on her MySpace page. The video is sickening as these coed thugs beat the girl into unconsciousness. And the half dozen perpetrators took turns punching the victim as she was held down by their friends.

Certainly the future for these twits is forever altered, perhaps ruined. It is likely that they will be tried as adults and jailed for some time. And it begs the question, how did these teenagers get to a place where they planned and carried out the elaborate scheme for violence? And what were their expectations about the consequences knowing it was to be taped and posted online? They are obviously disturbed and will pay the price.

More frustrating is the continuing ability of parents to escape the consequences of the actions of their sociopathic children. This behavior did not come out of the blue. These girls were criminals long before they acted in this scene. Surely Mom and Dad were aware that their little girl was a psycho. What steps did they take to intervene, get help or otherwise corral the young beast?

While I am well aware that there are adolescents with genetic, biological inclinations toward antisocial behavior, in the majority of cases bad teenagers got that way because parents did not hold them accountable over their earlier, formative years.

The rigors of parenting demand relentless, consistent boundaries. Exhaustion is not an excuse. Rearing children means teaching, disciplining and controlling behavior, demanding that the child abide by the rules and conduct of civility. Throwing up your hands in exasperation is not an option.

For those parents who, through self pity or disconnection have allowed their children to become criminals wreaking havoc on their community, it’s time they paid a price as well as the cretin they spawned. It’s time that some parents went to jail with their kids.

Wednesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The tour of the Olympic Torch was cancelled yesterday after repeated aggressive protests doused the flame several times. After trying to have the tour on a bus through London, and with Paris just as riled up, the organizers finally quit the futile effort. Wonder what the Chinese leaders are making of all this? Surely they had to see this coming.

China’s violent storm into Tibet is a mind boggling miscalculation of its impact on their feel good public relations endeavor with the approaching Summer Olympics.

Gee, let’s see, we are hosting an epic good will global event and can use it to debut the new China to the world. So, okay, what’s on the agenda? Say, isn’t it a good time to get the whole Tibet headache off our plate before the big games? Yeah, that’s a great idea. Send in the troops and shoot those monks.

Aside from the serious issue of violence between a government and citizens, it begs a larger, albeit cynical question: What kind of idiots are running that show over there? Don’t have cable? Don’t they scan the Internet? Are they that obtuse about the impact of their aggressive behavior on world opinion? Are they so detached from the rest of the world that they feel immune from the consequences these actions will certainly have on their big show this summer?

And to put icing on the cake, they plan a high profile tour of the Olympic torch across the world. What did they think was going to happen?

Can you say tin ear?

I have always been troubled when the Olympic Games become a political football kicked around by politicians wanting to give messages through the event. The past boycotts (1980 in the U.S.S.R. & 1984 in the U.S.) as well as the political turmoil surrounding the games every four years gets to be just a lot of gas for power hungry leaders. But it hurts the innocent athletes who have their life dreams and years of anonymous labor dismissed in one moment of arrogance and hubris.

And here we go again, because the Chinese have a bug in their bonnet for cracking down on Tibet and its independent culture. Its yet another reminder that people in power have an irresistible urge to force others to their way of thinking and living. Is there no end to this sin?

Thursday, Las Vegas, Nevada

The worst part of traveling alone is definitely the circumstance of having to eat alone. For all the years I have been on the road it has become a habit to eat take out food in the hotel room rather than feel like a loser alone in a restaurant. So this evening in Las Vegas I stopped in to a local Italian restaurant to order dinner. While waiting at the bar all the giant televisions were showing the latest craze among disaffected, angry men Ultimate Fighting.

You know this spectacle - two macho idiots in a ring beating the crap out of each other. This sport is like a hybrid of boxing, wrestling and a variety of martial arts and street fighting. The two combatants are allowed to not just punch but kick and wrestle each other as well. I don’t think biting is allowed but I’m not really sure.

It just looks like two knuckleheads who got drunk at a pub and then went out back to brawl over an insult to one of their girlfriends. I may be wrong but watching the post fight interviews it doesn’t appear that these guys are teaching at a college or in charge of anyone’s retirement account. One guy I saw tonight had so much cartilage on his ears that there were no contours like on a normal ear. I don’t know what this means except he fit my description of an individual who stakes their human happiness on being successful in ultimate fighting.

Where have we come as a society that viewers are getting a vicarious thrill out of watching two morons street fight for money and acclaim? Where do they take their careers from here? I cannot imagine that these guys are left with the prospect of showing off their championship rings in their fifties while handing over burgers through a drive up window.

It seems that we are so utterly frustrated as a society that we are looking for any opportunity to expel our pent up frustration in whatever way we can - even if it means sitting in a pub drinking beer and watching something as idiotic as the cat fights called Ultimate Fighting.

Can you say brain damage?