This Week’s Psychobabble: I’m Mister Lonely!
Wednesday, New York, New York
Several recent studies have offered evidence of what we all suspect: Americans are increasingly lonely. The research has documented that most Americans cannot name more then one person who they consider to be a close friend. The trend has been steady for a few decades that we are increasingly individualistic and detached. The vast majority of us have nothing close to an adequate social support network.
Americans rely principally on their romantic relationship for virtually all our emotional sustenance, consequently over taxing and exhausting our marriages and intimate family life. The fact is that we need a wider collection of friendships and confidants that see us behind our guarded exterior. Many of us have friends, but too many of us are not adequately connected to enough of these casual acquaintances to give us what we need.
At a time when so much public attention is paid to self help strategies promising to make us feel better, we are missing the more reliable fix available to us. Instead of spending so much time, energy and even money trying to alter ourselves internally, I suggest that more people focus on changing their external realities. Bringing more relationships into our daily lives will do as much or more in the long run as all of the other short term self fixes that we try.
- The right shaft of your toaster has never been used
- At family reunions you frequently hear people ask, “and you are…”
- You have accrued two years of “Anytime Minutes” on your cell phone plan
- Ninety percent of your mail is addressed to “occupant.”
- You work from home on the Internet and have no professional colleagues
- No room in your house has an outside view
- The last time ,you attended a party was in 1994
- Both your front and back lawns are surrounded by a barbed-wire fence
- You spent an entire day with a piece of lettuce in your front tooth and no one else noticed
- When you passed out in your home no one noticed you were gone for three days
The impact of the nation’s economic slow down are felt everywhere. From the obvious pressures of gas prices and the mortgage crisis, virtually every business is feeling the pinch. And this month even Starbucks has announced that it is closing 600 stores around the country! I didn’t see that coming. 
It is likely that many Starbucks aficionados, now denied their daily cup of venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra caramel, will suffer significant emotional and physical withdrawal symptoms. The slide down the java ladder to cheap consumer coffee is sure to alter their sleep habits and gastrointestinal routines. And these disturbances are sure to have a further impact on their mood. Their families and co-workers will feel the mounting frustration and irritation caused by their soy loss. Relationship balances will be unhinged and profit margins squeezed! The Starbucks crisis will have a domino effect that can lead to social chaos and global ruination. .jpg)
A newly released study confirms previous research, but offers an interesting surprise. Professors Troy Blanchard of Louisiana State University and John Bartkowski of University of Texas led a research team that studied communities with large churches which are actively involved with the local people. And the findings showed that the people lived longer.
Dr. Glenn Sparks and I see this study as yet another ion a long line of social science research that supports the thesis of 
The news broke today that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the proud parents of a new set of fraternal twins, born in France. This now brings their brood to six kids. Good for them. At a time when so many celebrities are known for their jet setting lifestyle, privileged wealth and freedom from the kinds of responsibilities average people confront, it is refreshing to see a couple of superstars focus on higher values. Pitt and Jolie have made it clear that the riches they gain from their work as movie stars is to be used toward raising awareness about poverty, oppression and other forms of injustice around the world that hurt innocent people. Bravo!
Our local newspaper, an affiliate of Gannett, have the story of these babies placed prominently on page two. Coverage of the war and the election followed on subsequent pages. And it all begs the question: do they print this because we’re curious; or are we curious because they publish this stuff? I must admit that I suspect it is the latter. If it wasn’t publicized I don’t know that we would care. Because it is put out there, it creates the impression that this has become important. I wish Pitt and Jolie blessings and support for their devotion to worthy causes. And I understand that they will use the money gained from pictures of their babies for charity. But it doesn’t make this matter any less twisted and whacked.
Although I am certainly a person with clear opinions, I am also willing to admit readily but for many large social problems I operate the way most citizens do: on the basis of the (usually limited) knowledge available to me. So while I have a point of view about such hot button issues as the war, politicians and global warming, in fairness I have to say that my information is based on impressions gleaned from the media I can access. I have no friends in the CIA or any others who operate “behind the curtain” of secrecy. So with that caveat, I am pretty convinced nonetheless that the American Healthcare system is an abominable mess. Further, I have no confidence that too few people are profiting obscenely at the expense of the rest of the population getting screwed to the wall by our system.
Now I am certainly not anti-competition. Quite the contrary. I love that our local Best Buy and Circuit City have to compete for my business. It’s in my interest to have both stores do well. But obviously this is not the case with our local health-care providers. For several years before I was on Sally’s health-care plan, I had to pay for our coverage independently. Although we are not young, we are very healthy. About five years ago my monthly premium for health care was around $650. Two years ago, the last year we were covered, my premium was $1350! This is just nuts! It’s damaging, obscene and from my point of view immoral.
I give a lot of speeches throughout the year to all sorts of groups. I speak to meetings of large corporations from a wide variety of industries. They could be sales meetings, leadership conferences, association gatherings or fundraisers. After spending 17 years as a nightclub standup comic, I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 12 years as a speaker (although my presentation does indeed include standup comedy). Traveling around the country you can imagine the number and variety of people I have met. Among the coolest experiences has been the opportunity to speak to gatherings of investment clients of extreme wealth.
Perhaps it has been my exposure to these people who take seriously their obligation to balance their personal largess with civic responsibility. Aside from the silent, anonymous wealthy, we are all well aware of, and admire how people like Bill & Melinda Gates and Ted Turner, among others, comport themselves as people of limitless wealth - they are hard working, proud of their accomplishments, demanding of others - but also generous to the poor. 
Every baseball fan knows that the New York Yankees are more than a baseball team. With the richest winning tradition in their sport, they are also a lightrneing rod for publicity, living in the intense glare of the New York media juggernaut. They are a constant public soap opera whose stories get as much attention as the performance of the team on the field. The antics of the superstar players OFF the field are as much the focus of the media as their athletic statistics. And it seems that there is always a personal story brewing in the Bronx. 
Yeah, That MADONNA! The 49 year old whack-job singer, actress-wannabe Madonna has captured the heart of Rodriguez! Here he is, a young 20-something, incredibly rich and good looking stud superstar, smitten by the aging, pretentious pop-princess, publicity hound. A Rod’s wife Cynthia, on news of the shenanigans, filed divorce papers claiming that Alex has abandoned his family.
Leary, of all things off Harvard professor, claims that he accidentally ingested a small mushroom while in Mexico. The effects, he testified “blew his mind.” The experience he said was mystical and “spiritual.” In the subsequent years, Leary openly advocated the use of the psychedelics, urging young people to“ turn on, tune in and drop out.” 
On the one hand, this report probably doesn’t do much to dissuade young people about using hallucinogenic drugs. If anything, the vaunted name of Johns Hopkins University verifying that “magic mushrooms” will indeed blow your mind is probably going to be in the sales literature for every dope dealer in the world. This was certainly not what the researchers had in mind, of course. In fact, their intent was far more noble, pointing out that this experience can offer great relief from the psychic and even physical suffering of individuals who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Who among us wouldn’t celebrate that?
I’ve spent the majority of my life on the East Coast. Between New York and Long Island where I grew up and New England well went to school and lived for a time, I had little or no exposure to the Midwest. For good part of the past decade, however, I have lived in Indiana. My wife Sally grew up here and so now I have relatives who are Hoosiers. I’ve come to love them all.
Over the years we have celebrated the years of their bounty crop And we have prayed for them during the years when weather - too much rain or no rain at all - ruined their crops and meant that they essentially earned no money. What a life! But aside from the unpredictability of whether and other unexpected eventualities, what is most impressive to me is the steadfast commitment to life informing requires. The lifestyle allows very little flexibility for days off or time away. The livestock doesn’t take vacation and attending of the crops has its own in flexible schedule. Brad & Jodi, alone with their four children don’t miss a day of work because they cannot miss a day of work.
Even after all these years, and despite my less than passionate participation, I do remember the values that were central to being a Boy Scout. Part of what we had to memorize was the Scout Law, which consisted of a dozen essential principles that define the good Boy Scout. 
