Sunday, West Lafayette, Indiana

One of the arguments against the candidacy of Barack Obama and the Democrats is the traditional worry that they are too soft and lenient when it comes to international threats - especially in the age of terrorism. So despite his dramatic win, there is anticipation while we await his posture facing enemies of America. So on top of the deep worries about the economic seizures we also have angst about our safety.

In such a situation many already nervous individuals become vulnerable to elevated levels of panic. How are you handling it all? Some ignore such matters, focusing on the concerns of their daily life. Others embrace a the uncertainty with a sense of resignation, acknowledging that in the end, we cannot individually control such events. But for those who are unable to shut it out of their mind or come to terms with the fragile nature of human life, these times are debilitating. Perhaps you or someone you know struggles with what mental health professionals call Panic Disorder.

See if you can you relate to these symptoms of Panic Disorder

Symptoms: A  discrete period of intense fear or discomfort, in which four or more of the following symptoms develop abruptly and reach a peak within ten minutes:

 1.  Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate:
 – Your heart rate is so fast, rabbits approach you without fear.
 – You can only tolerate listening to music whose percussion is in  time with your heartbeat.

 2.  Sweating:
 –  After exercising at the gym, the staff must mop up your areas.
 – You must launder your clothing at least twice each day.

 3.  Trembling or Shaking:
 – In order to focus your eyes to read, you must lean against a  solid object.
 – Unbeknownst to those you meet, your vigorous handshake requires no energy on your part.

 4.  Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering:
 – You can only fall asleep without covers.
 – When listening to your breathing through the phone, others suspect that your dog is nearby.

 5.  Fears of choking:
 – You are terrified of eating chicken or fish.
 – Activities such as scratching your face or trying to apply lipstick triggers your gag response.

 6.  Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint:
 – Even while standing perfectly still. You weave from side to  side.
 – You pass out into unconsciousness at least seven times each week.

 7.  Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself):
 – You don’t always really know it’s you in the mirror.
 – You often have a strong desire to step aside away from yourself.

 8.  Fear of losing control or going crazy:
 – You only feel completely secure when you are physically  attached to a solid object or another person.
 – Even though you do not have panic disorder, this test is causing  you to develop the illness.

 9.  Fear of dying:
 – Your funeral arrangements have been made and prepaid since you  were 20 years old.
 – You spend every free moment of spare time sitting still in a chair  in your basement.

 10.  Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensation):
 – In order to lift something, you must look at your hand to insure that it is really grasping.
 – Every few minutes you make a little jump and cry "Wooo."

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

I’ve been practicing counseling and psychotherapy for 20 years. And despite my busy schedule and travel I continue to see people seeking help. On several occasions I have been asked if I ever feel burned out listening to the problems of others. In fact, one reader sent me a note sometime ago that said the following:

Dear Dr. Will
I admire your work and dedication to healing troubled people. I was wondering, are there ever cases where you throw in the towel? Are there some patents who are so screwed up that you admit they cannot be helped? Does a therapist ever give up? If so, then what?
Sincerely,
Leonard, Chicago, Illinois

Dear Leonard,
Thanks for the inquiry and it is a good question. Although you did not mention this in your letter I was wondering if this applied to anyone you know personally? The fact is there is always progress that can be made with a person, assuming they keep coming back to meet with their therapist. Certainly there are individuals who are so unbalanced and resistant to counsel that their progress is painfully slow. Some people are unable to progress because they have personality problems. Others stay stuck because they have organic mental problems. Still others are constantly confronted by bad circumstances that keep them down. All we can do is encourage them to keep trying - keep pushing - don’t give up!

Self-defeating: You show up at a formal wedding wearing gray sweatpants
Life-defeated: On your way to a wedding your car suddenly catches fire

Self-defeating: At an important work gathering you loudly mock the religion of the company’s top client
Life-defeated: Immediately after leaving a prayer meeting you are mugged

Self-defeating: When introduced to a vision impaired person you comedically mug to get laughs from others
Life-defeated: After leaving a hearing test at your doctor’s office you are struck by an object and blinded

Self-defeating: After a bad call at your young son’s soccer game you run on the field and assault the referee
Life-defeated: You reluctantly volunteer to referee a school soccer game and are assaulted by a deranged parent

Self-defeating: Despite complaints from neighbors you keep a rank smelling compost pile in your front yard
Life-defeated: An hour before hosting a big party the sewer backs up into your living room

Self-defeating: You always answer your cell phone in the movie theater
Life-defeated: Because you politely turned off your cell phone during a movie you miss a radio station promotion awarding you two million dollars

Self-defeating: You keep untrained pit bulls loose in your poorly fenced yard
Life-defeated: While running away from a vicious dog you accidently run into a car and are successfully sued by both the car owner and the dog’s owner

Self-defeating: At the office Christmas party you make romantic overtures to your boss’ underage daughter
Life-defeated: You are inadvertently hit by a flying glass meant for someone else and you lose an eye

Self-defeating: You have not mowed your grass in seven months
Life-defeated: While wandering through tall grass your dog is attacked by a nesting wild animal

Self-defeating: At the supermarket checkout line you create a diversion and cut to the front of the line
Life-defeated: The line at the supermarket is so long that your milk spoils and you become violently ill and are hospitalized

Wednesday, New York, New York

Several recent studies have offered evidence of what we all suspect: Americans are increasingly lonely. The research has documented that most Americans cannot name more then one person who they consider to be a close friend. The trend has been steady for a few decades that we are increasingly individualistic and detached. The vast majority of us have nothing close to an adequate social support network.

Americans rely principally on their romantic relationship for virtually all our emotional sustenance, consequently over taxing and exhausting our marriages and intimate family life. The fact is that we need a wider collection of friendships and confidants that see us behind our guarded exterior. Many of us have friends, but too many of us are not adequately connected to enough of these casual acquaintances to give us what we need.

At a time when so much public attention is paid to self help strategies promising to make us feel better, we are missing the more reliable fix available to us. Instead of spending so much time, energy and even money trying to alter ourselves internally, I suggest that more people focus on changing their external realities. Bringing more relationships into our daily lives will do as much or more in the long run as all of the other short term self fixes that we try.

- The right shaft of your toaster has never been used

- You work from home on the Internet and have no professional colleagues

- No room in your house has an outside view

- When you passed out in your home no one noticed you were gone for three days

Monday, Hershey, Pennsylvania

The impact of the nation’s economic slow down are felt everywhere. From the obvious pressures of gas prices and the mortgage crisis, virtually every business is feeling the pinch. And this month even Starbucks has announced that it is closing 600 stores around the country! I didn’t see that coming.

Starbucks coffees are a daily staple for millions of Americans. Has consumption dropped so precipitously that this many stores have tanked!? What are the devoted Starbuckians doing to satisfy their coffee fix if they have opted out of their costly ritual? Does this mean that many have returned to their former humble haunts like Dunkin’ Donuts or - shut my mouth - gas station java? Talk about a painful adjustment! The radiating effects of such a change will be felt in every corner of the sacrificer’s life.

It is likely that many Starbucks aficionados, now denied their daily cup of venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra caramel, will suffer significant emotional and physical withdrawal symptoms. The slide down the java ladder to cheap consumer coffee is sure to alter their sleep habits and gastrointestinal routines. And these disturbances are sure to have a further impact on their mood. Their families and co-workers will feel the mounting frustration and irritation caused by their soy loss. Relationship balances will be unhinged and profit margins squeezed! The Starbucks crisis will have a domino effect that can lead to social chaos and global ruination.

Oh the humanity!

Restlessness - Sitting down has become so uncomfortable that you change careers to one where you can stand all the time, e.g., toll collector

Nervousness - Small, insignificant noises cause you to experience intense anxiety, e.g., opening a paper grocery bag

Excitement - Your voice volume has become so elevated that people lean backward when listening to you

Insomnia - Even though you have excellent hygiene, you find that you only need to launder your bedding twice a year

Flushed Face - You no longer need makeup & several friends have inquired about your drinking

Diuresis - You must carry a glass jar with you at all times

Gastrointestinal Disturbance - Your pets no longer desire to sit near you in the evening

Muscle Twitching - Even though you feel you are sitting still, others constantly assume that you are motioning to them

Rambling Flow of Thought & Speech - Your computer speech recognition program consistently crashes

Tachycardia or Cardiac Arrhythmia - Your normal heartbeat is now visible to others through your clothing

Periods of Inexhaustibility - You regularly complete your annual work goals before February 15th

Psychomotor Agitation - You are never, not cracking your knuckles

Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

A newly released study confirms previous research, but offers an interesting surprise. Professors Troy Blanchard of Louisiana State University and John Bartkowski of University of Texas led a research team that studied communities with large churches which are actively involved with the local people. And the findings showed that the people lived longer.

While there have been other studies that have made the association between church attendance and longer life, one curious aspect of this research demonstrated that the kind of churches involved made a difference. Specifically, it pointed to congregations that have strong community outreach in the local neighborhood made a more significant difference than those churches that were insulated and disengaged from the surrounding community.

As the authors pointed out, the strongest effect on longevity was with "… churches (that) have what’s known as a ‘worldly perspective.’ (rather than those) “solely focusing on the afterlife.”  Congregations that emphasize connection and engagement have a more significant, positive impact on their community than those that isolate and separate their members from the immediate world around them.

Dr. Glenn Sparks and I see this study as yet another ion a long line of social science research that supports the thesis of Refrigerator Rights. This research affirms yet again the positive outcomes on health and quality of life when people find ways to attach, engage and foster relationships with those around them, beyond their immediate family. Social isolation in any form leads to a host of personal problems, both emotional and physical. We have long believed that the triage for our highly stressed culture is connection to more people around us.

- Worship is held Tuesday nights beginning at one o’clock in the morning

- Members can only travel in groups of fifteen at all times

- The building has no windows

- To avoid mingling with non members, the church maintains its own grocery store

- All writing implements must be surrendered upon entering for the service

- Every member is required to wear long robes with hoods

- All member children go to school inside the building

- Members must submit a names and phone numbers of every neighbor that doesn’t belong to the congregation

- The church has an unlisted phone number

- The pastor and family live in the basement of the church building

Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

The news broke today that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the proud parents of a new set of fraternal twins, born in France. This now brings their brood to six kids. Good for them. At a time when so many celebrities are known for their jet setting lifestyle, privileged wealth and freedom from the kinds of responsibilities average people confront, it is refreshing to see a couple of superstars focus on higher values. Pitt and Jolie have made it clear that the riches they gain from their work as movie stars is to be used toward raising awareness about poverty, oppression and other forms of injustice around the world that hurt innocent people. Bravo!

In contrast to their devoted efforts to do good things, it exposes the venal and prurient interests of the media who they manipulate to the advantage of their vaunted priorities. I’d like to believe that they are mostly amused, for example, that they are able to sell photos of their new babies to the tabloid media for a reported $13 million! Can you imagine this lunacy? Their new baby twins are the object of such intense curiosity that a media outlet will pay this shocking some just to expose photos of these celebrity children. Illustrations of our depravity of bound; and here in lies a great example. It makes me wonder, are you one of the people who would spend money to get a look at the baby children of Brad & Angelina

Our local newspaper, an affiliate of Gannett, have the story of these babies placed prominently on page two. Coverage of the war and the election followed on subsequent pages. And it all begs the question: do they print this because we’re curious; or are we curious because they publish this stuff? I must admit that I suspect it is the latter. If it wasn’t publicized I don’t know that we would care. Because it is put out there, it creates the impression that this has become important. I wish Pitt and Jolie blessings and support for their devotion to worthy causes. And I understand that they will use the money gained from pictures of their babies for charity. But it doesn’t make this matter any less twisted and whacked.

- On at least one occasion you have traveled out of state trying to meet Brittany Spears
- At the hair dresser you show a photo of Amy Winehouse as an example of what you want
- Your only daily subscription is the National Enquirer
- You have been arrested for trespassing on the property of the Dick Van Dyke
- You have a tattoo of Tom Cruise on your cheek
- A month after Madonna moved to London, you also relocated there
- You quit your job to stalk Fabio
- You bought a house because it was next door to the home of Henry Winkler
- You paid a private detective several thousand dollars to get the phone number of Sharon Stone
- You named your son Keanu

Friday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Although I am certainly a person with clear opinions, I am also willing to admit readily but for many large social problems I operate the way most citizens do: on the basis of the (usually limited) knowledge available to me. So while I have a point of view about such hot button issues as the war, politicians and global warming, in fairness I have to say that my information is based on impressions gleaned from the media I can access. I have no friends in the CIA or any others who operate “behind the curtain” of secrecy. So with that caveat, I am pretty convinced nonetheless that the American Healthcare system is an abominable mess. Further, I have no confidence that too few people are profiting obscenely at the expense of the rest of the population getting screwed to the wall by our system.

Our community is very fortunate to have two brand-new, state-of-the-art hospitals opening up within the next year. This sounds pretty great, except that the two hospitals have a long standing, fiery and nasty competition with each other. In a nutshell, they can’t stand each other. And for the majority of us citizens here in town it means that we are at the mercy of each one’s acrimonious tactics to gain an edge against the other. It’s pretty revolting.

Now I am certainly not anti-competition. Quite the contrary. I love that our local Best Buy and Circuit City have to compete for my business. It’s in my interest to have both stores do well. But obviously this is not the case with our local health-care providers. For several years before I was on Sally’s health-care plan, I had to pay for our coverage independently. Although we are not young, we are very healthy. About five years ago my monthly premium for health care was around $650. Two years ago, the last year we were covered, my premium was $1350! This is just nuts! It’s damaging, obscene and from my point of view immoral.

This horrendous cost for routine coverage is a scourge on society, more troubling to me than even paying $4 a gallon for gas. And if health care costs are putting the squeeze on someone in my position, I cannot imagine what even a minor medical problem does to a working class family, paying their taxes and doing what they’re supposed to do for their kids. I don’t resent for a second giving generous compensation to the brilliant professionals who do incredible, nearly miraculous things to save lives and repair broken bodies. They all deserve to be highly paid and highly esteemed by society. To me the doctors and nurses are not the problem. I don’t know who is making millions in the system, but something has to change. This issue has made me put the matter of health care reform near the very top of my list of priorities as a citizen and voter.

I want what everyone else wants in this country: an end to the war, a plan for security against terrorism, a serious approach to alternative energy sources, and, LEADERS WHO WILL STAND UP AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH THE MEDICAL SYSTEM IN AMERICA. It’s way past time!

- Meals at the hospital are from a fast food hamburger chain

- The receptionist is a chain smoker

- The local ambulance has a standard transmission

- Your hospital only accepts cash

- Your family physician moonlights as a barber

- When you call for a doctor’s appointment they ask if you can bring your own thermometer

- Your nurse admits she faints at the sight of blood

- Your community has not yet adopted the 911 system

- After each use, equipment is wiped off on the doctor’s bloody lab coat

- When you refer your doctor to an article in the A.M.A. Journal he asks what those letters mean

Wednesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

I give a lot of speeches throughout the year to all sorts of groups. I speak to meetings of large corporations from a wide variety of industries. They could be sales meetings, leadership conferences, association gatherings or fundraisers. After spending 17 years as a nightclub standup comic, I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 12 years as a speaker (although my presentation does indeed include standup comedy). Traveling around the country you can imagine the number and variety of people I have met. Among the coolest experiences has been the opportunity to speak to gatherings of investment clients of extreme wealth.

I can attest in all honesty that I really don’t envy such wealth. Of course I want to do well, and I am a successful professional. Sally and I have a life we love. Materially we have what we need, which is not extreme. But it has been fascinating to meet and engage these remarkable individuals who have accumulated staggering levels of wealth either through inheritance or their own amazing business success. The reason I’m usually asked to speak to such gatherings is because of my message about quality of life, emotional balance and coping with the stress of living. In particular, the concern I have heard expressed most frequently from these groups is how they can raise their children in their unique family environment of affluence in a way that will ensure the development of good citizenship and solid moral character. And without exception I have been deeply impressed by the integrity of concerns these individuals have for this issue.

Perhaps it has been my exposure to these people who take seriously their obligation to balance their personal largess with civic responsibility. Aside from the silent, anonymous wealthy, we are all well aware of, and admire how people like Bill & Melinda Gates and Ted Turner, among others, comport themselves as people of limitless wealth - they are hard working, proud of their accomplishments, demanding of others - but also generous to the poor.

Whether you admire them or not, their commitment to service and sharing is what every person of limited means would like to believe that they themselves would do. And so it is in light of these examples that we are horrified by the public behavior of so many celebrity entertainers and athletes who flaunt their wealth and behave despicably. Talk about needing role models!

From the jet setting teenage girls of no particular talent, like Paris Hilton and her ilk, to singers and actors whose talents are admired completely out of proportion to what other people of skill do, and the pantheon of professional athletes who attained godlike status it is all so embarrassing. No one resents Tiger Woods, Bono, Michael Jordan, Tom Hanks and other worthy role models. But partly this is because their personal lives reflect the same characteristics of humility and gratitude as their professional lives.

Tuesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Every baseball fan knows that the New York Yankees are more than a baseball team. With the richest winning tradition in their sport, they are also a lightrneing rod for publicity, living in the intense glare of the New York media juggernaut. They are a constant public soap opera whose stories get as much attention as the performance of the team on the field. The antics of the superstar players OFF the field are as much the focus of the media as their athletic statistics. And it seems that there is always a personal story brewing in the Bronx.

Among the many high profile Yankee stars followed by the tabloid as well as the sports media, Alex, “A Rod” Rodriguez is a frequent target of rumors and stores about his turbulent relationships with teammates and the fans. A Rod is among the highest paid athletes in America, as well as one of the most prolific hitters in baseball. But especially since arriving in New York City, he has been a constant subject of off-the-field stories, usually having to do with his complicated relationship with teammates and the notoriously demanding New York fans. But the latest lone is a real beaut! It seems that A Rod has been stepping out on his gorgeous wife with…er…MADONNA!!

Say what!?

Yeah, That MADONNA! The 49 year old whack-job singer, actress-wannabe Madonna has captured the heart of Rodriguez! Here he is, a young 20-something, incredibly rich and good looking stud superstar, smitten by the aging, pretentious pop-princess, publicity hound. A Rod’s wife Cynthia, on news of the shenanigans, filed divorce papers claiming that Alex has abandoned his family.

What in the name of heavens is this morton thinking? The infidelity is bad enough. But are you that shallow that you fall for the cheese ball, posing spirituality of multi-millionaire Madonna…ah…herself a married woman with young kids?

If there was any doubt about Rodriguez’s personal judgement, this seals it. He is now consigned to a laughing stock in popular culture.

Way to go, A … Rod!

Indicators that you have faulty personal judgement:

- At 50 years old, you tell you wife & kids that you’re quitting your job to “make it” in rock music

- For vacation you decide to go camping alone in the Columbian forest

- You cash in your 401K and invest your life savings in a women’s Roller Derby Franchise

- You propose to a woman you met a week after she is released from prison

- A week before starting a new job at an accounting firm you get a tattoo on your face

- Lured by an offer of 5% off the sticker price & 15% financing, you just bought a loaded Hummer

- Despite having no training you climb a pole in your yard to fix a faulty electrical connection

- Although you liver in a tiny, studio apartment in the city, you buy a Saint Bernard dog

- As a joke you streak at the wedding reception of your employer’s daughter

- When your computer emits a strange hum you try to fix it using a hammer

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

As a college student during the turbulent late 1960’s, I certainly remember the onset of the drug culture among young people. It was during this time that marijuana, acid and, for the really heavy hitters, heroin became more widely used and, most significantly, more openly used than ever. And among the headline stories was of course the introduction of the psychedelic drug LSD, and its profit, Dr. Timothy Leary.

Leary, of all things off Harvard professor, claims that he accidentally ingested a small mushroom while in Mexico. The effects, he testified “blew his mind.” The experience he said was mystical and “spiritual.” In the subsequent years, Leary openly advocated the use of the psychedelics, urging young people to“ turn on, tune in and drop out.”

Yes, this was the sage counsel of one of Harvard’s research professors to the young people of America. Is it any wonder that so many look back on that era with scorn? Since that time, of course there is still a distressing popularity for the use of illegal drugs, but wreck havoc in the lives of individuals and families. The appetite that too many Americans have for addictive drugs to follow Leary’s dubious advice is what keeps the global drug industry more lucrative for poor farmers been growing rice, corn or coffee.

Be that as it may, an amazing new study at Johns Hopkins University in Maryland subjected these “magic mushrooms,” technically known as psilocybin, to controlled laboratory tests with human volunteers. About three dozen individuals, in laboratory safe conditions, were given one dose of the mushrooms and had their reactions followed. While many reported the predictable experience of visions and altered consciousness, what was perhaps most surprising to the researchers was the long-lasting effects but the experience has had on the subjects. In fact, after a year, the majority are still raving about the memory and ongoing effects of their participation, even though they never had another hallucinogenic dose. They routinely described the experience as so powerful that it has significantly altered their lives spiritually and psychologically! Whoa!

On the one hand, this report probably doesn’t do much to dissuade young people about using hallucinogenic drugs. If anything, the vaunted name of Johns Hopkins University verifying that “magic mushrooms” will indeed blow your mind is probably going to be in the sales literature for every dope dealer in the world. This was certainly not what the researchers had in mind, of course. In fact, their intent was far more noble, pointing out that this experience can offer great relief from the psychic and even physical suffering of individuals who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Who among us wouldn’t celebrate that?

And yet it’s a twisted irony that those who take this news as an encouragement to using psychedelic drugs have perhaps consigned themselves in the end to a terminal illness.