Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

I’ve been practicing counseling and psychotherapy for 20 years. And despite my busy schedule and travel I continue to see people seeking help. On several occasions I have been asked if I ever feel burned out listening to the problems of others. In fact, one reader sent me a note sometime ago that said the following:

Dear Dr. Will
I admire your work and dedication to healing troubled people. I was wondering, are there ever cases where you throw in the towel? Are there some patents who are so screwed up that you admit they cannot be helped? Does a therapist ever give up? If so, then what?
Sincerely,
Leonard, Chicago, Illinois

Dear Leonard,
Thanks for the inquiry and it is a good question. Although you did not mention this in your letter I was wondering if this applied to anyone you know personally? The fact is there is always progress that can be made with a person, assuming they keep coming back to meet with their therapist. Certainly there are individuals who are so unbalanced and resistant to counsel that their progress is painfully slow. Some people are unable to progress because they have personality problems. Others stay stuck because they have organic mental problems. Still others are constantly confronted by bad circumstances that keep them down. All we can do is encourage them to keep trying - keep pushing - don’t give up!

Self-defeating: You show up at a formal wedding wearing gray sweatpants
Life-defeated: On your way to a wedding your car suddenly catches fire

Self-defeating: At an important work gathering you loudly mock the religion of the company’s top client
Life-defeated: Immediately after leaving a prayer meeting you are mugged

Self-defeating: When introduced to a vision impaired person you comedically mug to get laughs from others
Life-defeated: After leaving a hearing test at your doctor’s office you are struck by an object and blinded

Self-defeating: After a bad call at your young son’s soccer game you run on the field and assault the referee
Life-defeated: You reluctantly volunteer to referee a school soccer game and are assaulted by a deranged parent

Self-defeating: Despite complaints from neighbors you keep a rank smelling compost pile in your front yard
Life-defeated: An hour before hosting a big party the sewer backs up into your living room

Self-defeating: You always answer your cell phone in the movie theater
Life-defeated: Because you politely turned off your cell phone during a movie you miss a radio station promotion awarding you two million dollars

Self-defeating: You keep untrained pit bulls loose in your poorly fenced yard
Life-defeated: While running away from a vicious dog you accidently run into a car and are successfully sued by both the car owner and the dog’s owner

Self-defeating: At the office Christmas party you make romantic overtures to your boss’ underage daughter
Life-defeated: You are inadvertently hit by a flying glass meant for someone else and you lose an eye

Self-defeating: You have not mowed your grass in seven months
Life-defeated: While wandering through tall grass your dog is attacked by a nesting wild animal

Self-defeating: At the supermarket checkout line you create a diversion and cut to the front of the line
Life-defeated: The line at the supermarket is so long that your milk spoils and you become violently ill and are hospitalized

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

It was sixty-eight years ago today an American icon was born. Legendary toon Bugs Bunny began what was to become a five decade run that would forever read rewrite the image we have of “cute little bunny rabbits.”

Bugs Bunny, a chain Carrot chewer, was intelligent and wily, and set the standard for a variety of other Looney Tunes cartoon characters. In fact, he was named by TV Guide is the greatest cartoon character ever.

Bugs, but tough character replete with a Brooklyn accent, was no innocent little creature. In virtually every episode he appeared in, Bugs Bunny outwitted everyone who tried to make a meal out of him. But he was no scared little rabbit come he prevailed with a calm and the cocky attitude that infuriated all of his hunters. In particular, Bugs drove Elmer Fudd, the inept hunter with a speech impediment, virtually insane. In virtually every adventure, Bugs would be seen standing over the frustrated Fudd, chewing a carrot of course and offering a line that made him famous: “what’s up Doc?”

Every artistic expression reveals something of the unconscious imagination of the creator. Whenever we see a painting, a written character or a television detection, even a silly cartoon, we are getting a glimpse into the psyche of the individual who brought it to life. And if we stop and reflect upon the images and themes in the expression, we frequently can find themes that resonate with our own life as well. In television and film, whether the theme is deep and ominous or silly and even inane, we get a glimpse into the mind of the person behind the image.

And Bugs Bunny represents a fantasy of an innocent, vulnerable creature who uses his wits to overcome a superior threat. Elmer Fudd, the superior creature armed with a gun, is overcome by the little hare with a sharper imagination. And isn’t this a fantasy that resonates for us as well? For the majority of us who do not feel powerful in the face of superior aggressive force, we can imagine ourselves overcoming the threat with our wits. And, most importantly, like Bugs Bunny we do so with cool calm, munching on a snack and asking sarcastically,

"Ah, what’s up Doc?”

Friday, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

With the exception of a few mopping up visits to France and England, Barack Obama’s excellent adventure in Europe is about over. And this can’t come soon enough for the John McCain campaign, relegated to eating sausages and German restaurants and talking about the price of groceries in the catchup while in a supermarket. While McCain draws flies, Obama draws 200,000 curious Germans to hear him speak in Berlin. While the McCain campaign arranges events that have the feel of a professor at a local book signing for a scholarly book, Barack Obama stars in his one-man show that feels like a U2 concert.

I have no idea how this election will turn out in November. However, if psychology and chemistry are any indicators, I have a feeling it is going to be a Obama tsunami. In my lifetime I have never seen a reaction like this to a politician since John & Robert Kennedy. And it certainly seems clear that his charisma is being felt around the globe.

And really, why not? Aside from any, albeit legitimate concern about preparedness, competency or judgment, to millions around the world it is especially stunning that America might be on the verge of electing an African-American as president. Because as much as we here like to avoid the subject, our reputation around the world includes distain for our shameful history of racial animus. On the heels of an administration that has been among our most conservative, it certainly seems an unexpected eventuality that a person of color might prevail against a woman and a traditional white male.

We really should not be surprised at the surge of Barack Obama. After six years of an unpopular war, and deep anxiety about the economy and frustration with the inertia of the government to respond to needed changes, any American leader exuding optimism and energy is going to get a national and global hearing.

And this is the genius of the Barack Obama campaign. He is as much a symbol as he is an real individual. Whether or not we will prosper under his leadership, it is undeniable that Barack Obama feels good. And we shouldn’t be surprised that so many are turning toward someone making us feel good.

If John McCain has a chance to prevail in November, it would behoove him to shake off the aura of pessimism and somber tones. He would do better being more Ronald Reagan and less Jimmy Carter.

Whichever candidate prevails there will have an opportunity to turn a page.

Because from where I sit I believe we are sick and tired…
of being sick and tired.

Thursday, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I have been seeing several commercials featuring the legendary Texas oil baron, T. Boone Pickens making his pitch for a dramatic investment in wind and solar power to help alleviate the energy crisis battering every segment of American society. According to Pickens’ plan, by ratcheting up wind power to meet out electricity needs, we will have enough leftover natural gas to fuel our cars.

It is inspiring to see a person of great influence and power step up to solve a problem without resorting to partisan rancor. As Pickens himself says, “it’s our crisis, and we can solve it.” 

Hey, unless there’s something I’m missing here, sign me up.

And of course I recognize that there is financial self-interest involved here for this man. He’s investing huge amounts of his money to build a gigantic wind farm in a rural part of Texas. And I’m sure he expects to make a lot of profit from this. Well, bully for him. This doesn’t bother me lick.

I mean if we don’t encourage wealthy entrepreneurs to dig in and get involved in the energy crisis, who is going to do it? Do we really think it will be the government? I don’t think so. The insidious partisanship in Congress prevents almost every meaningful reform. Shackled as they are to the influence of lobbyists and special interests, there’s just no way I believe the government knows how to solve the problem.

So here comes T. Boone Pickens, who says straight out, “I’ve been an oilman all my life.”  From where I sit if he’s the kind of guy who can become a billionaire in oil, he’s probably the kind of guy who can become a billionaire in wind. And if Pickens becomes a billionaire in wind, it means that we are probably going to be less dependent on the psychotic Middle East for our energy.

Have at it T. Boone!

Wednesday, New York, New York

Several recent studies have offered evidence of what we all suspect: Americans are increasingly lonely. The research has documented that most Americans cannot name more then one person who they consider to be a close friend. The trend has been steady for a few decades that we are increasingly individualistic and detached. The vast majority of us have nothing close to an adequate social support network.

Americans rely principally on their romantic relationship for virtually all our emotional sustenance, consequently over taxing and exhausting our marriages and intimate family life. The fact is that we need a wider collection of friendships and confidants that see us behind our guarded exterior. Many of us have friends, but too many of us are not adequately connected to enough of these casual acquaintances to give us what we need.

At a time when so much public attention is paid to self help strategies promising to make us feel better, we are missing the more reliable fix available to us. Instead of spending so much time, energy and even money trying to alter ourselves internally, I suggest that more people focus on changing their external realities. Bringing more relationships into our daily lives will do as much or more in the long run as all of the other short term self fixes that we try.

- The right shaft of your toaster has never been used

- You work from home on the Internet and have no professional colleagues

- No room in your house has an outside view

- When you passed out in your home no one noticed you were gone for three days

Monday, Hershey, Pennsylvania

The impact of the nation’s economic slow down are felt everywhere. From the obvious pressures of gas prices and the mortgage crisis, virtually every business is feeling the pinch. And this month even Starbucks has announced that it is closing 600 stores around the country! I didn’t see that coming.

Starbucks coffees are a daily staple for millions of Americans. Has consumption dropped so precipitously that this many stores have tanked!? What are the devoted Starbuckians doing to satisfy their coffee fix if they have opted out of their costly ritual? Does this mean that many have returned to their former humble haunts like Dunkin’ Donuts or - shut my mouth - gas station java? Talk about a painful adjustment! The radiating effects of such a change will be felt in every corner of the sacrificer’s life.

It is likely that many Starbucks aficionados, now denied their daily cup of venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra caramel, will suffer significant emotional and physical withdrawal symptoms. The slide down the java ladder to cheap consumer coffee is sure to alter their sleep habits and gastrointestinal routines. And these disturbances are sure to have a further impact on their mood. Their families and co-workers will feel the mounting frustration and irritation caused by their soy loss. Relationship balances will be unhinged and profit margins squeezed! The Starbucks crisis will have a domino effect that can lead to social chaos and global ruination.

Oh the humanity!

Restlessness - Sitting down has become so uncomfortable that you change careers to one where you can stand all the time, e.g., toll collector

Nervousness - Small, insignificant noises cause you to experience intense anxiety, e.g., opening a paper grocery bag

Excitement - Your voice volume has become so elevated that people lean backward when listening to you

Insomnia - Even though you have excellent hygiene, you find that you only need to launder your bedding twice a year

Flushed Face - You no longer need makeup & several friends have inquired about your drinking

Diuresis - You must carry a glass jar with you at all times

Gastrointestinal Disturbance - Your pets no longer desire to sit near you in the evening

Muscle Twitching - Even though you feel you are sitting still, others constantly assume that you are motioning to them

Rambling Flow of Thought & Speech - Your computer speech recognition program consistently crashes

Tachycardia or Cardiac Arrhythmia - Your normal heartbeat is now visible to others through your clothing

Periods of Inexhaustibility - You regularly complete your annual work goals before February 15th

Psychomotor Agitation - You are never, not cracking your knuckles

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

I am excited to announce that my book: Why We Watch: Killing the Gilligan Within has been re-released and is available to you, the neurotic reader, by clicking here.

It is a satire of a self help book and will make you laugh. If it does not make you laugh, then you can utilize the information as a serious strategy for healing your wounded psyche. Either way, it works. And pay NO attention to what any so-called critics say -  they are generally neo-artists afflicted with at least one Axis II personality disorder that renders their opinion moot.

Wednesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Despite how much I love the season, there is one aspect of summer that I find distasteful: INSECTS!

I realize of course that there is a vast distinction between the harmless bugs and the more toxic critters. But frankly I cannot tell the difference. Whether a spider suspended in the air or a moth fluttering around my porch light they all creep me out. If that makes me a wimp, well, spit in your eye. I don’t care.

Bugs give me the Heebie Jeebies!

I have a friend, Dr. Tom Turpin, an eminent entomologist at Purdue who works hard to demystify the world of insects. He is devoted to helping us understand the mysterious universe of bugs. He loves bugs. And good for him! Nonetheless, from my point of view this is appeasement of an enemy that will soon rise up and swallow us all! I know I sound like an hysteric, and perhaps I am. I hope I am wrong, but it is foolish to take chances.

I am not suggesting that we go to all out war with the insect world, but it seems to me that we could be more vigilant and assertive keeping them at wider bay from my space. If moths love flitzing around lights, fine. There are lamps on public poles, get off my porch! If spiders like stringing elaborate webs, that’s cool; just do it in the woods somewhere and get out of my garage.

And don’t get me started on mosquitoes!?

Monday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Americans have always been dreamers. But unlike dreamers around the world, it is unique to our culture that we believe that our dreams can truly come true. We resist consigning our dreams to the realm of fantasy, but instead believe that our dreams are in fact our plans. Although many eventually give up their dreams, millions continue to pursue the endeavor of making their dreams a reality. And so it is no wonder that it is a curious American phenomenon that Disneyland has endured for more than half a century.

It was this week in 1955 that Walt Disney created the “Magic Kingdom,” outside of Los Angeles and lured visitors from around the country and the world to come to his escape. Disneyland captured the imagination of America, and in fact became associated with America itself. To millions around the world, especially those living in poverty and oppression, Disneyland represents the possibility they can only imagine. Every character associated with Disneyland is gentle and upbeat, from sweet Mickey Mouse through harmless Daffy Duck and the gentle dimwit Goofy. Walt Disney created an alternate universe that was far more appealing than the reality most people were living.

Any visitor to Disneyland, or its franchise Disney World in Florida, knows that while the motivation may be to take the children for a fun and safe vacation, understands that the adults often enjoy the escapist experience every bit as much. In fact, for the parents visiting Disneyland or Disney World, it is a common experience to desire to be there without the responsibility of watching over their kids. In other words, most adults also need a Disney experience. There is no one who would not revel in the delights of an adult Disneyland. And for many, there is such a place. It’s called Las Vegas.

It is most common to feel the fatigue of daily responsibilities, the rigors of jobs and parenting, financial pressures and worries about the future. It is natural, of course, to desire an opportunity for escape. It is not something we can realistically do, but it is a worthy fantasy nonetheless. Walt Disney believed he was creating a delightful environment for children, but perhaps unexpectedly he touched a chord of recognition and the parents, all of whom crave a Disney World.

Friday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Although I am certainly a person with clear opinions, I am also willing to admit readily but for many large social problems I operate the way most citizens do: on the basis of the (usually limited) knowledge available to me. So while I have a point of view about such hot button issues as the war, politicians and global warming, in fairness I have to say that my information is based on impressions gleaned from the media I can access. I have no friends in the CIA or any others who operate “behind the curtain” of secrecy. So with that caveat, I am pretty convinced nonetheless that the American Healthcare system is an abominable mess. Further, I have no confidence that too few people are profiting obscenely at the expense of the rest of the population getting screwed to the wall by our system.

Our community is very fortunate to have two brand-new, state-of-the-art hospitals opening up within the next year. This sounds pretty great, except that the two hospitals have a long standing, fiery and nasty competition with each other. In a nutshell, they can’t stand each other. And for the majority of us citizens here in town it means that we are at the mercy of each one’s acrimonious tactics to gain an edge against the other. It’s pretty revolting.

Now I am certainly not anti-competition. Quite the contrary. I love that our local Best Buy and Circuit City have to compete for my business. It’s in my interest to have both stores do well. But obviously this is not the case with our local health-care providers. For several years before I was on Sally’s health-care plan, I had to pay for our coverage independently. Although we are not young, we are very healthy. About five years ago my monthly premium for health care was around $650. Two years ago, the last year we were covered, my premium was $1350! This is just nuts! It’s damaging, obscene and from my point of view immoral.

This horrendous cost for routine coverage is a scourge on society, more troubling to me than even paying $4 a gallon for gas. And if health care costs are putting the squeeze on someone in my position, I cannot imagine what even a minor medical problem does to a working class family, paying their taxes and doing what they’re supposed to do for their kids. I don’t resent for a second giving generous compensation to the brilliant professionals who do incredible, nearly miraculous things to save lives and repair broken bodies. They all deserve to be highly paid and highly esteemed by society. To me the doctors and nurses are not the problem. I don’t know who is making millions in the system, but something has to change. This issue has made me put the matter of health care reform near the very top of my list of priorities as a citizen and voter.

I want what everyone else wants in this country: an end to the war, a plan for security against terrorism, a serious approach to alternative energy sources, and, LEADERS WHO WILL STAND UP AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH THE MEDICAL SYSTEM IN AMERICA. It’s way past time!

- Meals at the hospital are from a fast food hamburger chain

- The receptionist is a chain smoker

- The local ambulance has a standard transmission

- Your hospital only accepts cash

- Your family physician moonlights as a barber

- When you call for a doctor’s appointment they ask if you can bring your own thermometer

- Your nurse admits she faints at the sight of blood

- Your community has not yet adopted the 911 system

- After each use, equipment is wiped off on the doctor’s bloody lab coat

- When you refer your doctor to an article in the A.M.A. Journal he asks what those letters mean