Monday, Chicago, Illinois

The program that shed a bright light on the common complicated, often enmeshed relationship that adults maintain with their aging parents drew great laughs from what is for many an intensely uncomfortable situation. Raymond, Long Island sportswriter, and his brother Robert, the giant, sad sack police officer, spend most of their time and energy trying to negotiate and distance from their overbearing mother Marie and obnoxious, insensitive father Frank.

The show centers on the life of Ray Barone and the struggle he has standing up to his overbearing mother who life is preoccupied with her sons. There are millions of couples who experience the complication of in-laws who do not respect boundaries and perpetually intrude into their children’s marriages. Parents of adult children who interact with them as if still in control and with authority can wreak havoc in the family life of their children and grandchildren. As is the case for so many viewers, it raises the question, how do we separate from my parents and yet maintain a close loving relationship with them.

Of course the problem, although exacerbated by Raymond’s problem of standing up to his mother, is an issue that rests with his parents themselves. Unreflective and without respect for the maturity of their grown sons, Marie, with the collusion of Frank is perpetually invasive, insensitive to the problem it creates for a loyal son and his frustrated spouse. While the show was played for humor, there is no doubt that over time resentments would come to a head in the risk of permanent estrangement is a very real possibility. Such is the case for limitless numbers of families in the real world.

Why We Watch

While there certainly are some cases of aging parents chorus of obnoxious and intrusive as Marie and Frank Barone, in reality most adults with young families have found a way to negotiate the proper balance between continuing connection to their parents with a sense of independence and control of their own family life. In cases where these boundaries are violated, it is most likely in situations where the parents and their adult children live far apart from one another. Moving away and having a life disconnected from daily contact with your parents, may have some benefits of independence and self-reliance. However, far too many young parents tend to marginalize and cut themselves off from the helpful mentoring and support that comes with close connection to their own parents. The truth is, not everyone loves Raymond, and in all likelihood hardly anyone loves his parents.

While the show, Everybody Loves Raymond played the dysfunctional family for laughs, in more cases than not children miss the practical help given by parents, and grandchildren are diminished by not having the unconditional love and support of caring grandparents.

1. Although in your mid-40’s, your mother still does your laundry

2. When you visit home you usually sit on your mother’s lap

3. Even though you’ve been married for 15 years, your father still spanks you

4. From the first day of your marriage you have insisted that your spouse only cook your mother’s recipes

5. When visiting your parents at holidays you sleep in your unchanged childhood bedroom; your spouse sleeps in a guest room

6. Whenever your parents get a new car you immediately trade in yours for the exact same model

7. Before you committed to taking a new job promotion, you called your father for permission

8. Your parents accompanied you on your honeymoon

9. In order to fall asleep you must listen to a recording of your mother tell you a story

10. After 35 years, you still sleep on the cowboy sheets you’ve had since childhood