Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

Perhaps it was the intensity of being on the East Coast where I traveled to speak. Spending a few days in Boston, a great city to visit, I got caught up as I usually do in the hot rhythm of the city’s pace. Looking back on the observations this week are realized I have been ranting, intense like a man on fire. So perhaps it’s fitting that I conclude this week of froth with a reflection on the futility of purposeless intensity.

I suppose it goes along with having passion for my life and work that it is an ever present challenge to rein in my intensity, to direct my energy with more focus and less spill over. As I approach my seventh decade of life it is still a challenge to be a person of greater serenity without surrendering my enthusiasm for my ministry. My sister Pat is a therapist in Virginia and has worked for many years in hospice with dying patients. It’s evident that this experience has gone a long way toward shaping her perspective, a perspective I admire and seek to emulate. If I have trouble with this life and never, blessed as I am, it’s no wonder that society is free quickly plagued by the misdirected passions of people whose lives are characterized by relentless suffering. So many people feel trapped, and they are trapped behind walls of their relationships, their debt or the homes of their childhood. What do they do with their energy?

While it may seem like a stretch intellectually, this issue feels very connected to me with my work promoting social connection, for my speaking and writing on refrigerator rights. You know, the kind of relationships with people who can just come into a refrigerator without needing to ask permission. These are the very kinds of connections and friendships that are missing in the lives of most Americans. When our lifestyle is characterized by radical individuality and social isolation we wind up becoming dependent on our own personal, emotional resources. And quite frankly, from a psychological point of view this is simply not adequate to maintain an equilibrium in our mood.

Struggling with a personality characterized by too much emotional intensity is, for me, a symptom of not having enough interpersonal outlets to keep our mood stable. A significant part of personal health is having the ability and freedom to speak candidly with those who care about us about what thrills us and what frustrates us in our work and with our families. Without having these connections, we are at risk to vent in inappropriate places. Therapists refer to this as displaced anger. It comes out in any variety of odd settings, from the way we drive to the ideology we attach to, and are in tolerance for the behavior of strangers we encounter every day.

Given that I have spent most of this week venting about things in the culture, it tells me I probably need to get some contact with family and friends. I will do that this weekend, and hope you have opportunities to do the same. Have a great couple of days and spend some time with people who care about you, or begin the process of creating those kinds of connections.