Wednesday, Rochester, New York

Let me begin by asserting that I love living in Lafayette, Indiana. After a lifetime on the coasts, and missing many things about life in New York or Los Angeles, I am happily settled here. A major reason is that the revolution in technology has enabled me to remain connected to my national career interests right from here.

That said, I recall a local resident’s quip when I first arrived, Indiana, a great place to live but I wouldn’t want to visit here." I am sure that every place has its self effacing criticism that amuse the locals. All the years of my life that I lived in New York I knew a thousand jokes mocking the place. I thought of this these past few days while visiting Rochester, New York to speak to a great group of people with Lifetime Healthcare Companies. Life up there is no easy challenge.

Rochester, New York is set in the rural beauty of Western New York. It is set in the middle of a string of cities between Buffalo and Syracuse. Despite the physical appeal of the place, it has some of the worst weather imaginable. This area is routinely victimized by the famous “lake effect snow” phenomenon. Frigid cold fronts zooming down from Canada race across the Great Lakes picking up moisture and dump staggering amounts of snow here. It is a curiosity that so many choose to live here - that is - to remain here! In fact it would be interesting to now if they lose more of their children to relocation than other, more commodious places.

Nonetheless, the city is attractive and busy during the business day and it has all the expected features of a new city, from Starbucks to the Hyatt Hotel where I’m staying. So while a few million stout souls endure the bruising climate the question remains why? The most reasonable conclusion is that social connections, including family, friends and familiarity, usually trumps personal comfort. It’s why I live in Indiana instead of of New York or Los Angeles where opportunities for me abound. It’s why people stay in places like scorching Arizona, frigid Maine and steamy Houston.

It’s a reminder that, consciously or not, we are motivated to the familiar and uncomfortable with change - especially change that involves the loss of connections. Speaking about Refrigerator Rights and the problem of social isolation, the very place of the meeting was a reminder of the profound need that we have to connect and belong.

Tuesday, Rochester, New York

The intensity of the 2008 presidential election is a reminder to us of the stakes involved in this decision. And it also reminds us of why the modern classic television drama West Wing was so gripping. It satisfied the intense curiosity that ordinary citizens have about the most important individual in American society.

The President of the United States is commonly regarded as the most powerful person in the world. And in the new media age, the President is also a celebrity, like, and beyond a movie star. We experience the presence of the President on a screen, not in person, in flesh and blood. The program West Wing gave a glimpse into what becomes of the person when they ascend into the rarefied air of the White House.

Veteran actor Martin Sheen expertly depicted the balance between honorable devotion to service with the ordinary emotional struggles of someone in an intensely stressful position. It was easy for the viewers to imagine what life must be like on a day-to-day basis in the interpersonal cauldron that is this high office. Further, the producers did an amazing job of bringing to life the look and feel of the daily routines of the White House itself.

Why We Watch

Any fan of West Wing comes to feel, accurately or not, that they have a sense of what the life is really like for our president. And what comes across clearly is that the stress of unexpected crises can be emotionally overwhelming for the president personally. It reinforces the need to have someone of a particularly solid emotional makeup to endure year after year of unexpected, and frequently dangerous eventualities. We have all observed how rapidly the President ages physically during their term in office.

In addition, West Wing made clear the unimaginable rigors of working in the White House in any capacity. For every scene that showed the president, there were several more scenes that portrayed the debilitating schedule of the people working for the administration. They sacrificed a personal social life for the thrill and meaning of being useful in the heart of a nation’s power. Many people would jump at the chance to spend a few years of life immersed in such a worthy endeavor. Watching West Wing gives us a glimpse, with what seems uncanny realism into the life and work of the White House.

Monday, Rochester, New York

I had a delightful interview with Scott Hutcheson, an author and blogger who writes about food. He’s writing a new book that is aimed at helping men develop a greater appreciation for civilized dining that will help them in their romantic life. My contribution to the interview was offering psychological insight about how important it is for men to find a balance between exuding care-taking strength and civilized, cultivated behavior. A man strong enough to bring home the bacon yet sensitive enough to pick out a good wine communicates the ideal balance to his date.

As a person who has always been zealous about my career, the care-taking dimension of my marriage has occupied most of my attention. As for the cultivation matter, it has been a learning curve for me. I grew up in the processed food era, subsisting on canned vegetables and entrees that came frozen or in boxes. (To this day I must admit I sometimes indulge in Kraft macaroni and cheese). Essentially I had the taste palate of a goat.

Making matters worse, I have spent most of my career traveling extensively. And anyone who travels a lot knows, of course, that eating healthy on the road is a huge challenge. Sometimes I’m in hotels with great room service options, as I am this evening at a Hyatt Regency. But frequently I stay in more humble places and have to hunt for take-out food.

I am proud to boast that I have made improvements. Last night, for example, I stayed at a hotel outside of Cleveland and was faced with the dilemma of what to do for dinner. I never eat alone on the road - far too depressing. But instead of takeout from a area restaurant, I went shopping at a local supermarket.

Back in my room I enjoyed a sublime repast of healthy crackers with slices of honey ham and imported Swiss cheese and Dijon mustard. And it was all accompanied by a delightful Pinot Noir. (It all sounds so sophisticated doesn’t it!?)

I’d like to believe that the food authority Scott Hutcheson would respect my culinary choices in Cleveland.

Monday, Rochester, New York

Four years ago today the memorial to the men and women who served in World War II was dedicated in Washington DC. It is a profoundly moving space that enables visitors to feel the scale of that catastrophic global trauma.

Over 16 million Americans participated in the war, and over 400,000 lost their lives!

These numbers are incomprehensible, but it is important that we do remember and reflect on the sacrifice that was made by that generation. The numbers alone validate their identity as “The Greatest Generation.” The numbers of lost and wounded was so staggering it meant that virtually every American family was touched by tragedy.

In the age of the media, any time America gets involved in a war, there is naturally a great deal of attention paid to the casualties. We are kept up to date on the number of soldiers who die in battle, and, shamefully to a lesser extent, the great number of those wounded and disabled. In the current conflict in Iraq, for instance, most Americans are aware that we have surpassed the grim number of 4000 dead. The number of injured and disabled is many thousands more.

My father was a highly decorated veteran who served in the Army Air Corps. this crew was awarded nine of 11 possible metals available to flyers. They flew 48 dangerous missions in Europe. It took me many years into my adult life to appreciate the experience that my father had, and that my mother and the rest of the family endured while he was away in grave danger. And so I have great respect for their perspective on the politics of war. I can recall my father telling my brothers and I:“if the country’s going to war, everyone has to be behind it. Were either all in all we don’t go at all.”

My father died some years ago, but I think often about his words. Here we are, in the aftermath of an attack on our soil on September 11, 2001 by a foreign regime every bit as evil as the Nazis. And in response it is right that we aggressively defend ourselves. But it has bothered me that our approach to this worthy cause has placed the burden on a very small number of brave young men and women who signed up to do the heavy lifting on behalf of the rest of us.

Where is the sacrifice demanded of every American citizen?
What part have we been asked to play to defend our country?

I find the approach of the administration and other national leaders to be nothing less than disgraceful. They have essentially told us to live our normal life, to be comfortable, while a few hundred thousand of the entire population fight for our freedom.

Making matters worse, after five years, the Iraqis still do little to step up and take care of their own security. Meanwhile the Taliban gets stronger in Afghanistan, Al Qaeda has a resurgence throughout the world, and Osama bin Laden is still alive and making videos in his cave.

At my age I’m not sure what it is that I could be doing, but it seems like I should be asked to do something! My father’s words keep coming back to me. And based on the way this national cause has been executed, I’m with those who say it’s time to rethink the whole sorry enterprise, and pursue the war in places where it should be fought. I think at this point it’s the only way to engage the fight with honor, and to get the American people behind the endeavor.

Friday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Among the news stories this week was the raid on the polygamist ranch in Texas. Over 400 children were taken from this religious compound, after allegations of “sexual abuse” were made against the adults in this community.

This whole episode raises disturbing questions. On the one hand it is an important step forward that authorities are taking seriously the need to intervene when children and minors are sexually abused by predatory adults. The prevalence of sexual abuse against minors is an appalling and an incomprehensible phenomenon in culture. Every reasonable citizen supports the idea of dealing aggressively with those who would use children for their own personal gratification.

What’s confusing about this story however, is that the adults in this community assert that they are following their religious beliefs that allow men to have more than one spouse, and have children with different women. The age of the wives in these cases include many young women in their mid-to-late teens. And here is where the matter gets a little foggy. Different states legislate different ages that constitute adults consent for sex and marriage. In some places the young lady needs to be 16 years old, in others it’s as high as 18 before they can legally consent to marriage and sex.

While many people find it shocking that a 16-year-old girl can be married and have children, the reality is that it wasn’t very long ago that boys and girls in their mid-teens were marrying and having children with the approval, consent and even encouragement of the society. These days of course, this sounds bizarre. Most parents have a hope and an expectation that their children at 16 will be engaged in the routines of high school, looking forward to several more years of education through college. Most parents would feel disappointed if their children opted out of late high school and college to get married and start their adult life as parents. But again, this was the norm not very many decades ago.

Given the fact that our physical bodies enter puberty between the ages of 11 and 14, it seems that nature is suggesting that the optimum years for procreation are in fact late adolescence and early adulthood. But because social and cultural norms have delayed dependency in childhood for so long after teenage years, we are distressed when teenagers opt to begin an adult lifestyle before the age of 20. For most Americans, of course, a look into their own family history will make clear that they are the products of many generations of teenage marriages that were the norm until less than a half century ago.

So what’s the right attitude here? Clearly the Texas situation is made more controversial because of this community’s practice of polygamy, a notion that is anathema in our society. But the children have been taken from these families not because of the polygamy, but because of the allegations that there were sexual relationships between adult men and adolescent girls. But if the “victims” in this community are above the age of 16 years old, then the issue of government intrusion becomes a lot more uncomfortable.

I might find the lifestyle and ethical choices of this community appalling, but I do believe that we need to exercise caution when talking about the government stepping into such situations. Perhaps there was adequate justification, and children who truly needed protection. But I will be eager to hear clarification that there really were children who are at risk and needed to be taken from mothers and placed in foster homes.

Strange as their lifestyle was, including their quirky 19th-century dress, I do remain skeptical about government becoming too zealous regulating the lifestyle choices of ordinary citizens. Such intervention is especially disconcerting when the result is to separate children from their mothers. I’m just not sure I have a lot of confidence in government paid social workers and judges to make such decisions. They may be right in this case, but I wonder.

Thursday, Indianapolis, Indiana

The news of the day is filled with stress producing events. Gas is four dollars a gallon, the war in Iraq has no end, the economy is tanking and health care costs are sinking families. The stress is getting unbearable. But where can people find relief? While many are helped by available medications, most just try to suck it up and endure the pressures of modern life.

If you speak with any mental health professional they will tell you that only a fraction of those who need counseling help actually get it. Despite the fact that we have record numbers of people suffering treatable depression and anxiety due to stress, few get the help they need. Among the reasons is the lingering stigma of therapy. You know, the cliche notion that seeking help means that you are “crazy.” So rather than getting emotional relief, people opt to suffer in silence.

Some experts see a hopeful possibility in the new technologies that could combine professional help with the attractive feature of privacy that comes with online interactions. In fact there has been an explosion of counseling and therapy services offered online. Internet therapy sites have sprung up over the past five years and now number near 400. The idea promises to help those too timid to seek help in person. There is little evidence so far about how effective online psychological treatment can be. The most significant concern is assuring the professional competence of the counselors who would be interacting with vulnerable people.

While online treatment is better than no treatment at all, the preferable approach to emotional problems is a face-to-face encounter with a reputable therapist. It is in the relationship that counselors cultivate with patients that is a central factor in recovery process. While a relationship can be forged online, it does not have the same power as an in-person experience.

2. The therapist’s biography mentions that he works part-time as a nightclub ventriloquist.

3. The educational background of your counselor just says “The School of Hard Knocks.”

4. In response to your description of a panic attack, the therapist suggests a glass of bourbon.

5. After describing your depression, the therapist responds with “LOL.”

6. After 3 online sessions, your therapist shows up at your house.

7. After 2 months of treatment you discover that the therapist is secretly emailing your mother.

8. Your therapist suggests a video chat session and he appears on screen with mohawk haircut and tiny, decaying teeth.

9. To pay for treatment your counselor insists on money orders sent to an address in Costa Rica.

10. The therapist suggests that you prepare for a marital confrontation by role playing the event with your dog.

Wednesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

For anyone skeptical about the condition of the military, here’s a clue: a new report from the U.S. Defense Department revealed the distressing fact that the military is inducting an increasing number of convicted felons!

Some of the new recruits have been convicted of drug possession, assault and burglary. In some cases soldiers now serving have been convicted of actually making terrorist threats! Oh that’s just great!

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about second and even third chances in some circumstances. An individual who sees the light after paying their penalty for some bonehead, antisocial episode should be given an opportunity. But let’s be real. This situation has arisen not because of parental benevolence by the Pentagon. It’s about the frantic need to get eighty-thousand young people to sign up for the never ending war in Iraq and Afghanistan. And I’m sure that the first rate soldiers who have heroically jumped into the mission with fervor and honor are just thrilled to know that some of the people they will now lead into battle are individuals with shaky backgrounds and inclinations for criminal activity.

The military defends the practice by pointing out that there is a new reality in American society. Compared to the past, We have essentially diminished morally and ethically as a country. In fact, they note, less than 30 percent of young people now meet the standard requirements of “medical, moral, aptitude or administrative” qualifications! Wow!

Which is worse: that the army is so desperate for soldiers that they are now admitting felons? Or that society has so deteriorated that the majority of young people can’t qualify to be a private in the army!? What a sobering thought.

The office of Public Affairs for the U.S. Army stated the situation bluntly, "today’s young men and women are more overweight, have a greater incidence of asthma, and are being charged for offenses that in earlier years wouldn’t have been considered a serious offense, and might not have resulted in charges in the first place." Trying for an optimistic spin, they reassured us that they draw the line at “sexual violence, alcoholism and drug trafficking.”

Well…so far.

Time for a change in the country’s direction? Ah…yeah!

Tuesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Today may well prove to be a significant day in the presidential election. The Pennsylvania Democratic primary could determine whether Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama is the candidate to run against John McCain. While we celebrate that we have free elections, that our leaders are chosen by the people, most of us feel the frustration that what it takes to become president is often in the hands of a smaller group of power brokers.

America was famously born and formed as a result of its earliest citizens who bristled at the autocracy that came with an inherited monarchy an ocean away. The fate of the people was at the whim of the benevolence - or the personality disorder - of the King or Queen. If the ruler was psychologically stable, the government cared for the people. If on the other hand (as was sometimes the case) the monarch was a narcissist, a flagrant psychopath or some other head case, the people paid the painful price - as they always do.

Most of us wish that our electoral process was characterized by a little more democratic purity. The influence of media, powerful corporate forces and other mysterious power brokers makes many of us suspicious that we are not getting the best leadership available from among the populace.

Over the course of my lifetime, I have lived under the influence of 11 different presidents. While I felt more political affinity with some than others, my opinions were balanced by other citizens who had the opposite point of view. Fans of Ronald Reagan were surely turned off by Lyndon Johnson and Bill CLinton. And in contrast, Jimmy Carter fans were likely appalled by President Reagan and both President Bushes.

On balance, the American system swings within a fairly narrow range from right to left. When I feel frustrated by the direction of the country, and I am willing to admit that I’m extremely frustrated with the direction that George Bush has taken America, at least we know that there will be a change in not too many months.

Curiously today is the 499th anniversary of the beginning of the reign of King Henry VIII of England. He was, it is safe to say, a mercurial if not disturbed government leader. The turmoil he ushered into the British Empire has made his fame continue to this very day.

Thankfully I live in a country where the leadership that turns me off has a chance to be replaced by a leadership that will turn me on. I can’t imagine living in a country waiting for a change that could take a lifetime - the life time of an inherited monarch. I’ll try and keep that perspective regardless of the outcome this coming November.