Friday, Miami, Florida

The assassination of former Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto has rocked the world and altered the chemistry of our own national priorities. For ordinary citizens like us, it further confuses matters. It raises the same questions we have been debating for six years. In a world where religious fanatics act out their depraved ideologies with the mass murder of innocents, we are tuned into our politics with a renewed urgency.

With the political primaries weeks away, how in the world do we come together and respond to these organized psychopaths? And which candidate has a vision that will steer us through?

Do you know what’s best?
Do you feel confident that you know?
Are you sure of the path that your candidate and party prescribe?
Do we go to war?
Do we use more aggressive diplomacy?
Do we act alone?
Are you certain?

I’m not.

In reality I’m in the same position as anyone else going to work, loving my family and trying to enjoy my daily life. And I am at the mercy of the men and women who get to decide the action to take. When it is said that we need to negotiate, I have a choice to support or object to the decision. If I’m told that war is necessary, I can voice my opinion but little more in the moment. We are each in the vulnerable position of trusting what we are told is necessary.

Voicing opinion in public is critical and an important shaper of our political life. But these voices are just that, voices. My greatest discomfort is with the bellicose voices of mouths that roar as if they really know. But in most instances they only know little more than what I know. I know what I am told. It seems to me that it is the posture of certainty which rejects thoughtful dissent that gives us the most trouble.

I pray that the decision makers find a similar balance between visceral action and thoughtful circumspection.

Thursday, Miami, Florida

Here I am chastising the world for its cynicism and wise and learned reader Beth reminds me that there are indeed some decent and good people out there. She reports that her husband gave her Indianapolis Colts Coach Tony Dungy’s remarkable book for Christmas.

And of course she is right. Amidst the creeps, fools and users there are many more individuals of solid and admirable character. How come I don’t focus more on them? Well…

I hereby resolve to do two things:

First, to use the word “now” instead of the archaic “hereby;”

And second, to put more emphasis on the positive and the upbeat, along with the coverage of the bad, the irritating and the revolting.

So…

Let’s turn an admiring eye toward the Hilton Hotel family. In this case we learn that the patriarch, Barron Hilton has decided to leave virtually all of his inheritance to charity, instead of the kids! The two billion dollars of his worth will not be going to Paris and Nicky, but rather to fund relief for Africa and other urgent causes.

Wednesday, Miami, Florida

The cynical among us are always suspicious when politicians speak, because we have come to view their word as less than reliable. Perhaps it’s the nature of the job that they so desire to please everyone and therefore end up disappointing most. Or maybe they’re just amoral cretins hungry for power. I’m sure the halls of congress are crawling with both types.

As another Christmas wraps America now turns attention back to politics and football. This is the season of college bowl games, NFL playoffs and presidential primaries. With the political season we expect petty, self-serving truth-stretching. Ironically the baloney is served up in the guise of persuading the voters that they are, in fact sincere. We have come to expect it; it’s part of the system and game.

But when we find the same venal self-serving nonsense among sports stars and other coddled celebrities, it hits a little harder. After all, my livelihood and well being are not in their hands. They are free to just have us admire their work as a therapeutic distraction from our daily stress. It’s sad when iconic athletes get lumped into the same pile as wealthy, egomaniacal Hollywood actors, musicians and their yucky ilk. And that is what is well underway as we speak.

Three weeks ago it was the resignation of Bobby Petrino, coach of the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons. It stunned the sports world because he quit with no warning during the season with three games to go on their schedule. He didn’t speak to his players in person to let them know he was splitting on them. He is being righteously vilified by the players, fans and the media for his dishonesty after vowing to stay the course through his contract. He joins other celebrity coaches who sign big contracts, make heartfelt speeches about their commitment and then, when it suits them, leave for a better personal opportunity.

And then there is baseball, outed last past week in the Mitchell Report as being a sport rife with athletes who cheat and then lie about it. At the risk of sounding too discouraged, it appears that we are sinking emotionally and ethically. Getting what is best for me, without regard for anyone else is bad enough. But it is especially galling when it is wrapped in the language and posturing of caring about others. No wonder we are getting sick with our cynicism.

Monday, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: A Psychological Interpretation

Most people think fondly of the story about Rudolph, Santa’s lead reindeer. Told through a sweet holiday song, Rudolph has become a beloved Christmas icon. But a closer look at this tale reveals a dark side of the North Pole.

The truth is, Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer is a pathetic story of animal abuse and betrayal. That’s right, we learn a great deal about Santa, his managerial style and the resilience of an abused creature. Let’s consider:

Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows

This forest creature has an obvious physical disability, a bulbous sniffer that is so pronounced that it seem to be illuminated and spotted from afar.

All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.

Clearly the North Pole is home to an abusive work environment. Rudolph’s co-workers subject him to ridicule and rejection. He is ostracized and evidently finds no relief from Santa or others in a leadership position.

The one foggy Christmas Even Santa came to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight

Oh, I see. Rudolph’s plight is ignored until Santa finds himself in a difficult weather situation and panicky about his responsibilities. he calls on Rudolph to take advantage of his physical infirmity to rescue him. First of all, this tells us that Santa knew who Rudolph was which makes it likely that he was also aware his circumstances. Did he imply ignore the fact that Rudolph was being demeaned by his cruel peers? But things changed in an instant with the weather. All of a sudden Rudolph becomes useful to Santa, he can save Christmas by guiding the sleigh safely around the world.

Then how the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with glee. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history

Now that Rudolph has saved Santa and Christmas, he is suddenly beloved by his former torturers. Oh really? This alleged burst of affection by the other reindeer is suspicious indeed. After subjecting him to mockery they are now his adoring fans? I doubt it. I believe there is a cynical irony to the last line. At some point these resentful reindeer, compelled to participate in the charade of Rudolph glory wold seek an opportunity to rid the team of this vain poser. Some Christmas eve in the future, they would chew trough Rudolph’s harness and watch with sadistic delight as he fell to the frozen tundra below.

Next time you hear this seemingly innocuous Christmas tune, remember the heartbreak of Rudolph and the callousness of the whole North Pole team.

Are You Being Used By Your Boss & Co-workers?

- Your daily office responsibilities include cleaning the aquarium and coffee pot

- At the office holiday party you are given the responsibility to distribute the hors d’oeuvres

- As soon as you enter Starbucks, the staff automatically prepares your office’s order

- Whenever quarterly profits are down, you are chosen to break the news to the Board

- You have been persuaded to contribute your own money to the company for capital improvements

- On several occasions you have been compelled to iron your boss’s clothing

- When the staff is sent for professional training, you are assigned to attend barber school

- After someone reports seeing a rat in the office basement you are told to investigate

- Your supervisor has ordered you to work on his car’s carburetor

- You have been asked to arbitrate a spat between you boss and his spouse

Friday, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Every year I make sure to watch the Christmas classics, including It’s A Wonderful Life, White Christmas and, of course, one of my favorites Miracle on 34th Street. The latter is a great classic set in the frantic midst of the City during the holiday shopping madness. Aside from the warm familiarity of the scenes I know well as a New Yorker, it is a valuable reminder that amid the stress and frantic pace of the holidays, we find it so difficult to keep our focus on the season’s themes.

During the holidays, in whatever tradition you call your own, the themes certainly do not emphasize shopping, material gestures of gifts and money. Every tradition reminds us that we are spiritual creatures who thrive when we live with the optimism of faith.

These holidays are a time to break from the rigors of our work to reflect on larger, existential matters. And really, other than some few hours spent in a religious service, how much of our holiday time is actually devoted to such personal reflection? For most of us, too little. Our energies are directed toward malls, credit cards and the worry of debt we are accruing in order to show the people we love that we really mean that we love them. The reason the great Christmas films continue to resonate for more than a half century is that they call us to listen to the small voice calling us to human rest amidst the cacophony of human racing.

It is well documented that stress levels, from mild to severe, spike during this season. Therapists are busier than ever, depression and anxiety become more intense, and even suicides increase. Why? The venal themes of commerce call us to buy - in order to give - to the end of showing and feeling affection.

If I really loved you, I need to show it in concrete ways with what I purchase for you.
(Oh, and by the way, I expect the same gesture from you.)

Our material gestures have become so exaggerated that our gifts seem utterly disconnected to the idea of their token and symbolic meaning. Christmas now has the feeling of equating our feelings for each other with an economic value.

The gaudy excess of showering children on Christmas morning is an embarrassing scandal utterly distinct from the message of simplicity, redemption and human salvation.

Simple Kris Kringle, fighting off the intimation that he is mentally ill, is the soul of focus and faith. And he insists on maintaining the spirit of Christmas in the face of all the reason, sanity and cynicism of those around him, trying desperately to enjoy their lives. The lives that Santa Claus touches are just like our own. The crowds racing around the buy gestures of love reveals that even blessed lives often exist in emotional misery. But Santa’s fix is simplicity itself:

Faith, Hope & Love

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

On this day in 1981 CBS aired a holiday movie entitled The Homecoming: A Christmas Story. It turned into a series the following year called The Waltons. It depicted the life of a large, poor family living through the Depression and World War II. It was narrated from the point of view of the older son, John Boy Walton, who was remembering the joyous and challenging events of his early life on Walton Mountain in rural Virginia. The family all worked at the saw mill of their father and grandfather.

The show’s story lines featured life lessons recognized by every viewer, even as the setting was demonstrably distinct for their own. John and Olivia Walton are kind and loving parents to their seven children. And in turn they live in respectful deference of John’s own father and mother living under the same roof.

Episodes often included visiting strangers traveling through the area who needed help and shelter. And of course the Walton family was renown for its open hospitality and inviting warmth. The most memorable part of the show was its unique ending. As each episode closed we see the Walton House at night, with only one room’s light still on, and we hear the family say goodnight to each other.

"Good night, John Boy; Good night Elizabth; Good night Jim Bob…"

The program endured a significant casting disruption when lead actor Richard Thomas, John Boy himself, left the show after four years to pursue other roles. But the show survived for another five years before its end in 1981. The show had a few famous guest actors, including Beulah Bondi (you remember her as George Bailey’s mother in It’s A Wonderful Life) and comic actor John Ritter, playing a minister, right before his stardom in Three’s Company. In the latter half of the 1976-77 season, Ellen Corby, who portrayed Grandma Esther Walton had a stroke, interrupting her participation for a time. And then yet another disruption when veteran character actor Will Geer, Grandpa died during the off season.

All these events became part of the show’s scripts, which also followed the historical realities of the Depression and, significantly World War II. And it seems that one after another, the parents and siblings leave or die off. In every case, the show’s writers handled the stories deftly and believably.

Despite its setting in a curious and dour period of American life, The Waltons endured for nearly a decade winning several emmy’s and a consistent audience.

One of the strongest appeals of The Waltons was its theme of enjoying life with less material blessing. Set squarely in poor, rural Virginia during the great Depression, the family coped with their challenges using the principle resource of each other’s love and caring. It also featured the uncompromising respect for the wisdom and honor of three separate generations. The grandparents, parents and children were all esteemed.

In modern life, with its intense focus on individual empowerment and personal significance, we are missing the profound assets offered by extended family love and intergenerational mentoring. It’s easy to dismiss as corny the simplicity of the Waltons, but such criticism is mere cynicism and a mask for the longing many people feel for the respect and care of others. How many of us could use some down time enjoying the warm hearth and kitchen of the simple family on Walton Mountain.

Goodnight, Will Boy

Wednesday, Lafayette, Indiana

In the Midwest where the population is growing steadily, we have upscale home divisions being built closer to the farms. And there are agricultural entrepreneurs wanting to expand hog and beef operations to satisfy the exploding demand for steaks and bratwurst by those very same neighbors.

What to do? Well, hopefully Purdue science is coming to the rescue.

But just how does someone go about eliminating the radiation of manure? Well, you start with volunteers on the low end of the status totem pole at a University: graduate students. Heber is paying students $30 dollars to endure a “session” of smelling various farm odors. According to doctoral student Anuj Sharma the paid volunteers are whiffing bottled air samples of manure and other pungent farm stench.

The research aims to determine how far away someone needs to be before a bad stink dissipates. For instance, one idea is to have conveyor belts run underneath the chickens to immediately carry away their droppings. The bottom line is that if they can dilute the odor enough, the putrefication stays on the farm and doesn’t drift into the local elementary school (which has plenty of its own odor problems, by the way!).

After he resolves the farm odor problem, I’m hoping Professor Heber starts working on developing a non-pooping dog!

For more CLICK HERE

Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Grinding Stress!

Ask any therapist and they will tell you that there is a significant spike in stress among people around this holiday period. It makes us wonder why we have trouble coping with this time of year when so much focus is placed on reminding us of the season’s theme of joy and regaining perspective. It is no small irony that more people seek out help from mental health professionals at a time of the year when the air is filled with themes of peace, serenity and sounds reminding us of silence.

Almost everyone who comes to see me will acknowledge that, of course they recognize that human life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. But like most of us, intellectual command and emotional management are not synonymous. What I know doesn’t mean I am immune from what I am feeling. My admission about fear of flying, for instance is obviously disconnected from my awareness that airline travel is far safer than driving, regardless of my feelings.

So It is not big news that modern life is stressful and the holidays bring it out in us. What is remarkable, however, is the scope of our angst. The United States leads the developed world in stress related, psychological problems. Studies show that a full 25% of us suffer with some form of psychological disorder. Evidence of this phenomenon can be seen in our passions for medications and mood altering distractions. Balancing our personal lives with the rigors of a career takes a toll on many of us. What’s going on?

Research indicates that our health is jeopardized when we lack an adequate social support system of family and friends. When combining our penchant for serial relocation and giving time to the media we end up too individualized and socially isolated. The result is that we lose the necessary cushion for coping with life’s pressures. And making matters worse, it has an impact on straining our marriages and our jobs. Are you stressed at work? Think about a change in your isolated lifestyle. The book Refrigerator Rights is a great place to start.

Ten signs that your job may be in jeopardy:

- At the first staff meeting after a big company merger, you meet a person with you exact same title and responsibilities. They are 10 years younger and better looking then you.

- For you birthday, your boss gives you a copy of the book Passages.

- Your co-workers have not made eye contact with you for two weeks.

- Your request for more staples is denied.

- You find out that you and your new superior have different political affiliations, root for opposing teams, and attend different churches with hostile theologies.

- You notice that the company trash includes remnants of your most recent report.

- You were not notified of the change of time for the meeting your organized.

- At a staff meeting you learn that “some divisions” are being transferred to Ethiopia.

- Human Resources informs you that you need to be drug tested daily.

- In the annual report, your image has been photoshopped out of the staff photo.

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

It was on this day in 1903 that brothers Orville & Wilbur Wright flew their homemade airplane on the coast of North Carolina. While there were other engineers around the world who had made and flown machines, the Wrights developed in the unique cockpit controls that allowed the machine to be successfully piloted. The core techniques they developed for fixed wing aircraft are still used today.

The Wright Brother’s achievement was stunning since it enabled flight by machines that were heavier than air. Until their work at the turn of the last century, along with other aeronautical inventors in Europe, this notion seemed absurd.

While younger brother Wilbur died in 1912 at 45 years old, Orville lived until 1948 and saw the evolution of his invention into its modern military and commercial uses. Born and raised in the Richmond, Indiana and Dayton, Ohio, neither brother finished high school. They became financially successful as printers and news publishers and later cashed in on the growing bicycle craze. They used their work building and repairing bicycles and small motors as the foundation of their later work on flight.

The Fear of Flying

The same suspicions that accompanied the whole notion of flight - how can something heavier than air get off the ground? - is at the root of our feelings today. As hundreds of millions of people fly each year, they sit in their seats and cope with this strange human phenomenon in one of two ways:

1. Some simply endure their anxiety, hyper aware that they at the complete mercy of the pilots and mechanics, trusting that the metal monster will take them safely to where they are risking their lives to go.

2. Others cope by simply shutting out their feelings of helplessness, denying the shocking decision they have made putting their lives into the hands of others at the controls.

However you feel when on a plane, the reality remains the same - hundreds of tons of steel leave the ground for reasons understood by God and his little creature engineers, but not by me. Placing myself at the mercy of others, surrendering the control I feel when I drive, for instance, is something to which I have never fully adjusted.

So this past week, with the horrible weather of ice and snow and wind, I foolishly opted to avoid my flight and chose to drive home to Indiana from the East Coast. I realize that I was putting myself at far greater statistical risk of injury and death on the highway. But alas,

I was at the wheel!
I understood what was making the car go!
I was in control!

At least that is my illusion - an illusion, I must admit, that is every bit as preposterous as the idea of a flying machine itself.

Friday, Hartford, Connecticut

It took a global diplomat to do what baseball refused to do itself for over a decade. Retired United States Senator George Mitchell investigated and reported the cold facts about steroids and other, performance enhancing drugs rampant in the sport. His bombshell report released Thursday outed many major icons of the sport for cheating their way into glory. Pitcher Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte were among the most high profile superstars to be named as steroid users.

The named athletes immediately denied the allegations and cried foul about the way their names were mentioned without due process. It certainly is a traumatic experience to have your public reputation sullied over night, given the widespread suspicion on all professional athletes. This surely is a case of being assumed guilty until you can prove your innocence.

However, my sympathies are not with the athletes. It was made clear by Senator Mitchell that everyone whose name emerged in the investigation was given an opportunity to speak with the investigators to clarify and clear their names in advance. And none of the accused players took advantage of the opportunity. This was foolish for two reasons:

First, Mitchell made clear that he was recommending that those named should not be penalized by baseball. This means that if the aggrieved individuals like Clemens had argued their case before the investigators, they might have had an opportunity to have their names be taken out of the report, even if temporarily until proof be found. By refusing, they suffered the consequences of the public relations bombshell.

Second, it ignored the widespread belief by most if not many fans that the players - especially those who accumulate staggering statistics late in their career - were not doing so honestly. What fan has not noticed the shocking change in Barry Bonds physical appearance? Who has not looked with curiosity - if not outright suspicion at the amazing stamina and pitching speed of Roger Clemens at forty years old? These are either super human accomplishments, or maybe the result of some help outside the rules.

The blame for this debacle most clearly rests principally with baseball as an institution and a business. And the irrational mania for sports that elevates the players to a divine status exacerbates the situation.

From the Commissioner’s office down to the owners of the teams appeared to ignore what seemed obvious to many, especially the sports journalists who were seeing these guys up close and personal. The change in appearance and attitude that was observed by watchers of the game raised suspicions decades ago. And most of the fans became curious during the infamous home run juggernaut when baseball’s legendary hitting records were suddenly overwhelmed by Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire. It all seemed too easy.

What Do We Learn?

The baseball scandal is perhaps the inevitable result of a culture that so inflates the status of athletes and entertainers. Held up to a level of esteem that cannot be matched in reality distorts the fan’s perceptions as well as the self worth of the athletes themselves. When compensation bears little or no resemblance to the real value of the labor, it erodes self esteem. When a culture rewards people playing games, acting in movies and singing on stage by paying hundreds of times the remuneration as someone exhausting themselves through other forms of performance and service, it raises questions about all of our values.

I am not proposing that the local postal carrier, a truck driver or even my dentist be offered a salary of ten million dollars a year. But the labor of these individuals taxes their capacity as much as any other job. The staggering gap between their compensation and a baseball player is hard to comprehend.

There was a searing line in the movie Aviator when Leonardo DiCaprio, portraying the legendary engineer, inventor and industrial genius Howard Hughes chides Katharine Hepburn for criticizing him. He barks at her, “Don’t lecture me! You are just a movie star, that’s all!”

Uh huh!

Hughes had his sense of proportion right. I’m fine with celebrity athletes and entertainers being richly compensated for their work. But when we as a society lose all our sense of proportion, lionize them and exaggerate their real value, what should we expect but that they will cling tenaciously to their inflated status, even if it means cheating?