Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Madame Petite was a client of Dr. Will’s for 13 years following the disappearance of her sister Lucy. During treatment she claims to have discovered her psychic abilities. She used these powers to find her missing sister who was suffering traumatic amnesia and living in a small village in Madison, Wisconsin. She reunited with Lucy and they live together in a mobile home in the town of Crawfordsville, Indiana. This is her report on matters transcendent:

Hey Dr. Will

  What a time I had last night! I was in the supermarket reaching for a bag of sugar when I accidently knocked a large sack of flour from the top shelf onto the floor. The bag burst open and a cloud of flour rose up. And, I swear to you, time suddenly stopped and everyone around froze. And right from within the flour arose the ghost of chicken magnate Frank Perdue.

I had no idea who it was at first, until he identified himself. Then of course his high pitched voice was instantly recognizable. He spoke to me through the fog of flour:

Madame Petite,

It is a sad day on earth but a celebration in the world here above. I can tell you that Heaven always loves it when a pop culture icon walks through the gates. And yesterday Dick Wilson, none other than Mr. Whipple Himself ambled into the Kingdom. Of course we were ready and a huge crowd of the holy gathered and shouted in unison, Please, don’t squeeze the Charmin!’ The 91-year-old advertising hero was eagerly awaited.

The welcome was not without some controversy, however, as over in a corner sat a brooding hulk of a figure. Turns out it was none other than Norman Mailer the celebrated writer. He too had just arrived and was apparently quite put off by the focus on - as he sarcastically called him - ‘Mr. Pipple.’ He remained in his sulk cursing and spitting until a venerable senior saint approached him, slapped him and sent him away. We have not seen the grouch since. Rumor has it that he was assigned tio room with Ernest Hemingway who was told to discipline the newcomer.

Then in the most delightful surprise we hear this spectacular voice singing the ZZ Top song, Legs. Accompanied by three totally hot angels, Goulet attempted to dance with the backups but, of course he looked stiff as a rail spike. Nonetheless the crowd went wild for him. And then Dick ‘Mr. Whipple’ Willson, overcome with the euphoria of the moment jumped up and started dancing with the singer.

It started to get a little out of hand and then suddenly there was a loud series of church bell gongs. Everyone froze and immediately dispersed. Only the newcomers were left standing around looking bewildered. The very next moment St. Phillip the Apostle approached the rookie duo and said, ‘this is now how we act here. Go to your rooms, please.’ Chastened, Goulet and Wilson quietly traipsed off.

With that account told, suddenly Mr. Perdue settled back down into the pile of flour from which he arose.

I wasn’t sure if it was all just a hallucination until I got in my car and, I couldn’t believe it, the second song on the radio was…you guessed it…LEGS!!

Tell me this stuff isn’t real!