Tuesday, Newark, New Jersey

Marco Gabbo lives in Seacaucus, New Jersey and works for his father’s scrap metal company: Gabbo’s Metallos. He came to Dr. Will for eleven years in shackles through court ordered anger management therapy. Since ending treatment he quit his father’s business and opened what he calls an Urban Discipline Ranch for boys with behavior problems. It is called the Triple R (“Ralphy’s Rehabilitation Ranch”) with facilities in the city of Elizabeth, New Jersey. He has written a pamphlet called “Beaten Down With Love: A Guide to Helping Screwed Up Teens.”

Hey Doc,

Hard to believe I miss your ugly mug already.
Anyways…

Luther (you know, the officer who used to accompany me to the sessions) now works for me at the Triple R. He called and said you ordered my book online. I wanted to know a few things. First, are you intending to use this against me in some way? Hope not…for your sake.

Otherwise, giving you the benefit of the doubt, I assume you are interested in using it to help some of the the little crud balls you treat (like me, ha, ha, ha!).
Anyways…

Since you got the book (and it IS a book, not a “pamphlet” as those turds at Amazon called it!). I mean it’s almost 40 pages. Isn’t that about the same as Jonathan Livingston Seagull?” Come on.
Anyways…

I cannot trust that you will promote the book, even though the state paid you thousands of dollars for my treatment over a decade. So the least you can do is give me some air time on your weird little web sty. The main point is to share with your readers advice for raising a better boy than me.
Anyways…

These are my ten tips for keeping your son on the straight and narrow:

1. It starts with the parents when the boy is young. Make sure that his father spends as much time with him as his mommy. If Dad is a low life piece of ear wax, then find some good guy you trust (NO, not Mom’s new boyfriend!). Get a coach or someone with no prison record to hang out with him, give him noogies, teach him to spit and whistle. No singing!

2. From his first visit to the Dentist follow one rule: NO Novocain! Learn to deal with pain! DO NOT allow his mother interfere.

3. Give your son a good name. Take a list of possible names and read them aloud to three thugs from the local high school. Any name that these guys laugh at is O-U-T!

4. For every grade below B on his report card, make your son sleep outside on th lawn for three days. (If he cannot be trusted to stay, hire a guard dog). DO NOT allow his mother interfere.

5. Insist that your son plays a contact sport that requires little or no protective gear. If there is no rugby in your town, start a club. Nothing makes a man like losing a tooth in a scrum! DO NOT allow his mother interfere.

6. At least twice each year visit a local prison with your son and have him meet some of the men who are there.

7. As soon as he turns 11 years old, make him take cool showers three times a day.

8. Keep you son away from girls until he has learned to control his urges. Any girl who tries to lure your son before the age of 16 report her to the authorities and get an order of protection from the court.

9. Spend the money and hire a private investigator to do a thorough back ground check on every friend of your son, including their families.

10. Disassemble a motorcycle or a small automobile in your backyard and tell your son he cannot eat until he figures out how to put it back together again. DO NOT allow his mother interfere.

The main point here is that if you do not follow these steps to the letter I guarantee your little low life prize will be a camper at my ranch in Jersey. And neither of us want that (except me, of course).
Anyways…

That’s it from here. And by the way, I would like to formally invite you to be the graduation speaker at the Ranch next Spring. Although most of the kids will think you’re a fairy, they will get a glimpse of what a guy looks like who is not a criminal (as far as we all know, Doc! Ha Ha Ha!).

Anyways…

I’M OUT!

B.R.
Founder & President
Triple R Camp
The Solution for Rotten Boys