Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

One of my self-proclaimed “healed patients” is a celebrity reporter & photographer for a community paper in Berkeley, California. Stationed in Los Angeles, Nick Kolitis’ column is called Rumor Mill. (This week’s entry is reprinted with permission):

Hollywood in a panic: Dog Busted!

Celebrity Libby Williams (cousin of Treat) laments the loss of star privacy:
“They now know everything we are doing & saying! Poor Dog! My God, it’s a disaster!”

It’s been a while since I have reported in to you. I have been operating under cover following a story about one of the Olsen twins and black market lip collagen treatments. This could be a career maker for me but, unfortunately it turned out to be a bust when my source was outed as an undercover agent for the lip gloss industry.

Anyway…

Have you heard about the latest celebrity jackass to get caught in a racist rant? Non other than Duane Chapman, aka Dog the Bounty Hunter. He was caught using the racist language in a phone call and was exposed by the National Enquirer. His show was immediately cancelled and he is now on the phone with Al Sharpton begging to rescue his career. Sorry Dog, that’s not likely to happen.

I just don’t get it with celebrities. When are they going to learn that we are watching and listening to everything they do and say 24-7! Anytime I am near a celebrity I warn them. Just the other day I was trying to interview Dustin “Screech” Diamond and reminded him that whatever he does will be found out and exposed. He turned and said, “yeah, promises, promises!” I don’t know what he meant but he was upset.

Don’t these people realize that we listen to everything they say?

Michael Richards thought he was afforded license in the "freedom of speech sanctuary" of a comedy club.
OOPS! NOT!

Don Imus thought he had leeway to cross any line he chose.
OOPS! NOT!

Alec Baldwin thought he was having a private conversation yelling at his daughter.
OOPS! NOT!

The list is endless. In my own life, for the past nine years I have dutifully recorded and filed away every word I have ever spoken to anyone in person or on the phone. Along with hours of video tapes documenting my ideas on celebrities they are kept safely away in a storage garage near Ventura. They are guarded by alarms, recorded dog barks and a trip wire rigged to a shotgun.

All I can say is be very careful, Dr. Will. You may think you are being discreet. You may be operating under the assumption that your conversations, even your sessions are private.

All I can say is OOPS! NOT! (Hardy Har Har!)

Have a great day!

Nick