Friday, Lafayette, Indiana

I spend many nights throughout the year in hotels. They range from the humble chains through the most elegant, upscale resorts. In what seems to be the majority of cases the staff fall into two distinct categories. The front desk people are frequently attractive individuals, mostly young women. When I chat with them, not surprisingly most are college educated and career oriented. They are groomed, trained and professional and interact with me as peers.

In contrast, the food and service staff are poor local people. And they are overwhelmingly Latino or Philippino. And virtually everyone who has cleared my plate at the restaurant or delivered room service to me is quiet and obsequious. In my experience the hispanic staff are unflaggingly polite and the humility of their demeanor is easy to take for granted. They seem invisible. When I pass the lady at her room cleaning cart in the hallway she smiles and nods.

The difference between the deference shown by the Latino service workers and the bolder attitude of American workers is just startling. Now perhaps in some cases it is motivated by fear about legal status and discovery by the authorities. I’m sure I have been around illegal immigrants unaware. But I certainly don’t believe illegal status is the principal motivator for the prevalent servant’s humility they overwhelmingly radiate. I believe it is cultural and represents their values and how they are raised. I believe this because this is exactly how I was raised by my parents.

Certainly I have risen to a high level of socioeconomic status, taking maximum advantage of the opportunity of our great country. I have an outstanding education and engaging career. I am not wealthy, but live in comfort and relish the meaningful work I do. Nonetheless I retain the values my working class parents and the nuns who backed them up demanded of me. Acknowledging a power beyond myself and loving my neighbor remain guiding principals that I unevenly apply.

While I relate to the privilege and expectations of the young professionals at the front desk, I feel a connection, sometimes self-consciously, to the woman my age making the bed in my room. Something very important is lost when, in the midst of our striving and accumulation our empathy dissipates. It seems that we are on this track.

How quickly we are being diminished by our misplaced expectations and sense of entitlement. Do we believe it is our birthright to be served by others? Are we losing our collective sense of humility and a willingness to serve others without equitable return? Is the thought of living as a servant so repugnant to the modern American spirit that we feel we couldn’t survive or have meaning?

It’s the age of the entitled and the obnoxious. I’m confident we will survive the sass and the arrogance. But it’s not a world in which I especially like living.

Buenos Dios.

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

Any list of the most popular Christmas movies of all time will include Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life. In most cases it is rated at the top of the list. For more than two generations this warm film starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed and Lionel Barrymore has been a staple of the season. It is among the select films that we are willing to watch repeatedly, even as we know the story and dialogue by heart, to capture the feeling of optimism and hope that it so strongly evokes.

This is a post war film, released in 1946 and is a story of disappointments and unfulfilled dreams. George Bailey never achieves his desire for a life of travel and adventure. Instead he finds himself stuck in his small town trapped to his job at a marginal local bank that barely keeps afloat. Matters come to a crisis that brings the hopeless young man to the brink of suicide. And at this critical moment he is graced with divine intervention in the form of a simplistic little angel who offers him a vision of the real value of his life.

What Do We Learn

Many Christmas stories emphasize the importance of love and family. On this matter It’s A Wonderful Life does the same. But what is unique here is that the love and support that George needs is not far away, it is all around him. Although he could not see it through the fog of his fantasies and dreams, his meaning was anchored in the hundreds of simple souls that lived all around him. Everything and everyone he needed was within a mile of his home.

The emotional and spiritual awakening of George Bailey resonates with us who are similarly lost at times and wonder where the meaning of our lives is to be found. Watching this sweet little film, not a big hit at all when first released, stays with us because we too sometimes need a miracle. And if we cannot get a divine intervention, we can rely of the premise that our salvation is found in the small, yet mighty souls that surround us right where we are tonight.

Wednesday, Lafayette, Indiana

The late Leona Helmsley was an infamous personality in New York City for several decades. She was the wife of the dynamic real estate magnate Harry Helmsley who was several years her senior. After Harry died Leona took over the family empire and soon established herself as an odious individual.

She was famously quoted as saying “only the little people pay taxes.” There were several reports of cruel, condescending behavior toward the people who worked for her and she was soon dubbed the "Queen of Mean” who put greed and profit ahead of caring for other people.

The coup de gras, however, came upon her own death when it was revealed that in her will she left twelve million dollars to her dog, a Maltese named Trouble. Uh huh. She arranged in her will for the dog to be taken care of in the highest fashion. The pet’s caretakers referred to its status as a "doggie protection program." Say what!?

These days Trouble’s food is prepared by a professional chef who feeds the little creature by hand. She is pampered and loved the way a beloved child or grandchild would normally be treated. In contrast to the care she felt for her pet, Helmsley cut two of her human grandchildren out of her will and ignored her great-grandchildren. This is as crude and hostile as it gets.

People like this define the bottoming out of character and social responsibility. It raises the question for many of us who speculate “how would I behave if I became incredibly rich?” In most cases we imagine that we would live out a balance of enjoying our new largess while behaving with generosity toward those with less resources. So when we observe someone of wealth behaving with such contempt that they would leave their dog a multimillionaire it cuts into our sense of decency.

Nothing against the little dog, but I’m guessing that little Trouble would be fine with a lousy half million dollar estate and some decent raw food. The rest of the dough should have gone to family or to Darfur.

Leona Helmsley - a bonehead cretin in death as well as life.

Don’t be like her.

Tuesday, Indianapolis, Indiana

Is the culture becoming meaner? There seems to be evidence suggesting that people are getting so competitive and focused on individual success that we are willing to take it out on anyone getting in our way. The most recent exhibit is the shocking turn of events is the competition for Miss Puerto Rico. This past week contestant Ingrid Rivera was the victim of a poor sport willing to flaunt the rules of law and civility to win the contest.

In the spirit of another famous sports victim Nancy Kerrigan, an as-yet unnamed rival arranged to have her Ms. Rivera’s formal competition gown spiked with pepper spray!

Holy San Juan Hill!!

As a result Ms. Rivera broke out in hives and had a swollen face for her final stage appearance. You might recall the shocking story in advance of the 1994 Olympics when infamous, redneck skating competitor Tanya Harding’s husband, Jeff Gillooly hired friend and thug Shawn Eckhardt to whack Nancy Kerrigan on the knee to get her put of the competition. The incident unhinged all of their lives.

In this latest bizarre reprise in Puerto Rico, an unidentified beauty pageant competitor is suspected of sabotaging the dress and makeup of the front runner. In spite of her hives and a face puffed up like a yeast cake, Ms. Rivera won the competition and will be representing Puerto Rico in the Miss Universe competition.

What Are We Becoming?

Are we getting less civilized? Is it that the media is covering human depravity more thoroughly that it distorts our impression of the collective character? Are we now a more violent society?

What makes an individual so desperate for success, fame and wealth that they will try to ruin the health of another to advance her own chances for winning? Is the lure of notoriety so irresistible that it makes people desperate? The evidence suggests we have cultivated a generation who feel that personal meaning is rooted in personal prowess - prevailing over all others no matter how it gets done.

I cannot win on my own; I will do what it takes to bring you down. Wow!

In instances such as the Puerto Rico Beauty Pageant, I do give credit to the media whose coverage of these outrageous incidents bring righteous shame on the perpetrators and expose their misdeeds. In the end shaming is one of our most effective weapons against anti-social behavior. So whoever the perpetrator of the beauty pageant sabatoge is, when they are finally exposed they will be shamed, villified and have their own twisted ambitions righteously ridiculed.

Monday, Indianapolis, Indiana

With the Thanksgiving holidays over, we turn quickly to face the next onslaught of sales and family togetherness with the Christmas holiday. For many people this period from mid November through New Years is an emotional roller coaster from the warm joy of family memory and the frigid chill of family memory. For millions the holidays include visits with family that recall experiences both painful and joyful.

Part of the problem psychologically is the emotional challenge to reconcile our desire to be independent with the continuing need to be taken care of by our parents. We all hold onto a fantasy of remaining dependent, especially given the stress on us to be self sufficient.

So it is normal to desire that someone take care of us. Each of us wants nurturing. We must find the balance between stepping up and taking care of ourselves and having the courage to trust others. However, when this need to depend on another for your emotional well being, it can become a significant psychological problem See if the description below sounds familiar.

Symptoms: A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others:
– You have left a restaurant without eating because of your inability to choose between white and rye bread
– You spend at least seven hours a week on the telephone with technical support for minor software problems
– You have a recurring nightmare where you are having to work as an umpire

2. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life:
– When shopping for clothing on your own you always purchase the exact outfits you see on the store mannequins
– When interacting with your pet, you often ask questions and seek advice
– You have developed an intense reliance on a phone psychic

3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval:
– When another driver makes an obscene gesture your way, you’re willing to drive 200 miles out of your way to avoid a confrontation
– You have participated in seceral failed business ventures with a relative who is often hospitalized with mental illness
– When asked a routine question by a police officer, you confess to a crime you did not commit

4. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant:
– Whenever you see a woman who looks like your mother, you must resist a powerful urge to sit on her lap
– You sometimes speak to authority figures using a baby voice
– You own a dozen cats

5. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends:
– The day of your mother’s death, you move in with your her sister
– Within two months of each of your divorces you meet and marry someone that bears a striking resemblance to your ex-spouse
– Using phony credentials you arrange to move into a full service senior citizen complex when you are 35-years-old

6. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself:
– When members of your family leave for work, you cling to their clothing until they forcibly remove your hands.
– In anticipation of being abandoned you have arranged credentials to assume a new identity with plans to move into the home of a alleged relative.
– Although you are not a believer, you have sent for brochures inquiring about joining a religious commune upon the death of your caretaker.

Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

I hope this Thanksgiving finds you at a table with people who care about you and that you have a restful day.

I am grateful that you are reading the Pop Culture Journal. I hope you will tell a friend.

Will

Wednesday, Lafayette, Indiana

This is a unique phenomenon where an individual with a psychotic disorder so affects another close to them that the previous, healthy person also takes on the bizarre delusions. As incredible as it sounds it is an insight into the power we have to influence the mental state of another. Not surprisingly when this unique disorder occurs it is often between siblings and married couples.

When shared psychosis emerges it is most frequently between a couple who are socially isolated and cut off from the contrasting realities of others. In the most common scenario one individual develops psychotic delusions and they impart their odd ideas to another, more passive cohort. And in some few cases the psychotic delusions infect the thinking and belief system of a larger group of people who fall under the sway of the originally psychotic individual.

When reflecting on this description it makes us wonder about the impact that individuals with strange, maladaptive ideas have on those immediately around them. Thinking about cults, gangs and other collections of people who share twisted ideas, the notion that this can actually be contagious is more than a little unnerving. But it explains a lot about the influence we can have on others when they are otherwise disconnected from a wide variety of other voices.

Signs that you are too close to a delusional person:

1. Your sister shaved her head to “keep the government at bay”

2. You fall in love with a woman after learning that she communicates with you telepathically

3. Your boss has ordered everyone in the office to wear lederhausen pants

4. While dressing for a formal wedding you spouse persuades you to wear bib overalls

5. Without any reason your husband suggests that you wear fedora hats with fruit on the brim

6. Your father demands that everyone in the family wear aluminum foil hats

7. The week before your wedding your fiance insists that you shave your eyebrows

8. Each morning your husband reads aloud threats against your family that he decodes from the local newspaper

9. Your brother convinces you that the secret to contentment is to extract your own teeth with pliers

10. The family dog gives instructions for the day’s activities in your home

Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Madame Petite was a client of Dr. Will’s for 13 years following the disappearance of her sister Lucy. During treatment she claims to have discovered her psychic abilities. She used these powers to find her missing sister who was suffering traumatic amnesia and living in a small village in Madison, Wisconsin. She reunited with Lucy and they live together in a mobile home in the town of Crawfordsville, Indiana. This is her report on matters transcendent:

Hey Dr. Will

  What a time I had last night! I was in the supermarket reaching for a bag of sugar when I accidently knocked a large sack of flour from the top shelf onto the floor. The bag burst open and a cloud of flour rose up. And, I swear to you, time suddenly stopped and everyone around froze. And right from within the flour arose the ghost of chicken magnate Frank Perdue.

I had no idea who it was at first, until he identified himself. Then of course his high pitched voice was instantly recognizable. He spoke to me through the fog of flour:

Madame Petite,

It is a sad day on earth but a celebration in the world here above. I can tell you that Heaven always loves it when a pop culture icon walks through the gates. And yesterday Dick Wilson, none other than Mr. Whipple Himself ambled into the Kingdom. Of course we were ready and a huge crowd of the holy gathered and shouted in unison, Please, don’t squeeze the Charmin!’ The 91-year-old advertising hero was eagerly awaited.

The welcome was not without some controversy, however, as over in a corner sat a brooding hulk of a figure. Turns out it was none other than Norman Mailer the celebrated writer. He too had just arrived and was apparently quite put off by the focus on - as he sarcastically called him - ‘Mr. Pipple.’ He remained in his sulk cursing and spitting until a venerable senior saint approached him, slapped him and sent him away. We have not seen the grouch since. Rumor has it that he was assigned tio room with Ernest Hemingway who was told to discipline the newcomer.

Then in the most delightful surprise we hear this spectacular voice singing the ZZ Top song, Legs. Accompanied by three totally hot angels, Goulet attempted to dance with the backups but, of course he looked stiff as a rail spike. Nonetheless the crowd went wild for him. And then Dick ‘Mr. Whipple’ Willson, overcome with the euphoria of the moment jumped up and started dancing with the singer.

It started to get a little out of hand and then suddenly there was a loud series of church bell gongs. Everyone froze and immediately dispersed. Only the newcomers were left standing around looking bewildered. The very next moment St. Phillip the Apostle approached the rookie duo and said, ‘this is now how we act here. Go to your rooms, please.’ Chastened, Goulet and Wilson quietly traipsed off.

With that account told, suddenly Mr. Perdue settled back down into the pile of flour from which he arose.

I wasn’t sure if it was all just a hallucination until I got in my car and, I couldn’t believe it, the second song on the radio was…you guessed it…LEGS!!

Tell me this stuff isn’t real!

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

For nine years the iconic show The X-Files (1993 - 2002) was one of the most popular programs on television. It was an early hit for the fledgling Fox Network. The show touched a nerve with viewers with its themes of uncertainty about the trust worthiness of the government. It cautioned us that we should Trust No One.

According to the ominous theme of the show, The Truth Is Out There. It intimated that despite the skeptics and official denials, extraterrestrial life was a real phenomenon. The show surged in popularity culminating in numerous awards.

The show made stars of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson as FBI agents who investigated unsolved cases of extraterrestrial life. Agent Dana Scully was a skeptic and William Mulder (Duchovny) was generally persuaded that there was truth in the eerie suspicions.

The episodes focused on paranormal events or suspicions about the government covering up evidence of extraterrestrial visits. The show opened with a teaser that defined the case that Mulder and Scully would investigate. A strong appeal of the show was pitting the supernatural, science fiction events against the reaction of these two intelligent investigators who are skeptical realists who nonetheless remain open to possibilities, even when they defy logic.

Why We Watch

This classic show’s essential plot dilemma describes the core fundamental challenge for all of us as well. We observe the world and want to rely on its logic and predictability. And when the routine patterns of the natural order seem to go awry, we are riveted to the possibility that there is a reality beyond what we can see.

This is the ground that motivates our religions and inspires us to consider a life of faith. The X-Files document investigations of unexplainable phenomena; the files are the secrets gathered from testimony of people who have seen and experienced what is beyond belief. The fear is that the government is shielding us from knowing about this information, concerned that civil order would be at risk.

If Mulder and Scully did not balance their curiosity with their skepticism we would not be able to identify with them.

The X-Files deftly reflected and revealed our own uncertainties about natural reality.

Friday, New York City, New York

Barry Bonds Indicted

He has been under suspicion for a decade and under investigation for several years. But this week the other shoe dropped and baseball player Barry Bonds was indicted by a federal grand jury for perjury and obstruction of justice. It culminates a painstaking four-year investigation into the use of steroids. The federal prosecutor has now made official that Bonds used performance enhancing drugs to help him as an athlete.

Huh…you think?

The story goes that Bonds, who was already well on his way to the Hall of Fame in the late 1990’s for his staggering athletic ability and mounting numbers, became consumed with envy watching the country’s attention riveted to the celebrated home run chase by Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa in 1998. So he decided to do what he needed to ramp up his numbers and seize the spotlight back to himself. And over the subsequent years Bonds went on a home run tear that seemed a desperate drive to re-establish himself as the premiere baseball slugger for the ages. And the fans might have gone along with him except that he proved to be a distinctly unlikeable individual. In short, Bonds has a revolting personality.

In virtually every news report about him, Bonds comes across as arrogant and self-centered. He seemed to revel in his defiance of the media and his hostility toward the baseball establishment. It wasn’t long before his image deteriorated to the point where the sports journalists were speaking openly of Barry Bonds as a rotten person. And this in the end might well have been his real undoing. Garnering no sympathy from anyone, he became the focus of every journalist looking to find something negative about Bonds in hopes of cutting him down to size

As intelligent as Barry Bonds might be, his fundamental flaw is his very personality. Whenever someone regularly condescends toward others, it evokes resentment and wrath. And someday, sometime, somehow the offended find a way to exact revenge. And today was the day of reckoning for the loathsome, narcissistic and friendless Barry Bonds.

The whole sordid episode is a reminder that regardless of what you accomplish, in the end your fate is determined as much by your social skills as your actions. Of course, there are those whose pathology features strong interpersonal ability as a mask and manipulation for their depraved intent. But such psychos are actually the minority. In general, engaging other people in a warm, open and transparent manner is the ideal approach to having your achievements recognized and your success endure.

Sadly, Barry Bonds has long seemed incapable of managing his relationships with anyone except a small inner circle. And so his fall from grace evokes no sympathy.

The indictment mostly brings on gloating. Sad but just desserts.