Thursday, Lafayette, Indiana

Vern Woodley is a fifth generation bee keeper from Sacramento, California. He was in therapy with Dr. Will after his family business went belly up when his hives failed and he was blamed. He now teaches apiology (that’s the study of bees) at a community college and privately breeds a strain of aggressive attack bees in his yard.

Hey Dr. Will,

I read with interest the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to Al Gore for his work on alerting the world about the Global Warming crisis. And while I admire him for sounding the alarm, I must say that anyone in the agriculture business did not need the Vice President to tell them something was going on with the weather. The farmers, ranchers and bee keepers have known for a long time that something was happening.

The signs of climate change are everywhere, from the drowning polar bears to our clammy clothing. For the first time ever, my bees are continually flying into napkins and I suspect that it’s because they are perspiring! And my neighbor’s cows have lost 40% of their body weight because of the heat. And, get this, on a recent Alaskan cruise my sister Ella claims she only needed a light sweater. Say whaa!??

Well, what are we going to do about this? Surely more than just give out awards. No, action must be taken immediately. Here’s my five point plan to beat back the killer effects of Global Warming:

1. Prison for lawn waterers
2. Mandatory worldwide curtains for every window to keep indoor temperatures stable
3. Electroshock therapy for anyone driving a Hummer
4. Two minute timers on all sink faucets in the world
5. Swarms of attack bees let loose on polluters

I believe if we followed these simple steps we would slow the warming process enough to give our scientists time to solve the problem by designing a global dome or some other practical device to shield us from nature. If you are not convinced about these measures, maybe you have some idea s of your own. If so, well spit it out!

- My cousin Larry, a farmer in Maine, was able to successfully grow a rubber tree

- This year my tomatoes average three pounds apiece

- I often see butterflies in my yard in January

- Virtually every shirt I own has holes in the armpits

- It took six weeks for the paint on my house to dry

- My fingernails now grow at twice the rate as before

- My dogs sleep an average of 18 hours a day

- For the past two years my underarm deodorant is no longer effective

- When I walk through my living room the rug makes a squishing sound

- When I shower I usually have to scrub moss off my skin

Wednesday, La Quinta, California

There have been news stories in the past few months that have elevated concern about the ease with which individuals are opting to use deadly violence to solve their problems or vent their frustrations. I am often asked about the issue of anger in the society and what can be done to mitigate its horrible effects. Shootings in school and the workplace have been frequently reported and a new story in USA Today covered the distressing rise in violence against the police.

Any casual observer of the current American scene understands that we have a significant problem with interpersonal anger and its violent outcomes. Recent reports have indicated that murders are on the rise, especially troubling is the homicidal rage against law enforcement, judicial and other authority figures. There is also the well known stories about road rage, air passenger rage, sports rage…on and on. It seems that people are increasingly struggling with a short fuse on their rage.

And this does not even calculate the insanity of rage in the name of a justification: terrorism. The cities cultivate ethnic gangs that commit violence and murder in the name of their perverse loyalty. And now we are troubled by the allegations of how our private contractors in Iraq are behaving. What a world!

In the midst of our stunning technological, scientific, medical progress we are debased by the freedom so many are feeling to act out their frustrations by eliminating those that are in their way. This is narcissism run amok. For the sake of our long term security as a nation and as individuals, we better take the matter more seriously and step into it.

Is There An Answer?

There is no easy fix for provoked or unprevoked violence beyond strategies of deterence with harsh punishment for violent people. As soft as it may sound, the long term answer is found in addressing the pervasive problem we have with isolation and disconnection. It is a well established fact that isolation elevates the risk of depression and anxiety with its attendent problems of cynicism, suspicion and intolerance of others.

It is a sad fact that mental illness afflicts a certain percentage of individuals who are unable to control their impulses. But the more vexing problem, however is that we’re seeing aggression rise among too many people who are opting to act on their personal frustrations against others. Social separation makes it easier to demonize others who are perceived to be different and possibly threatening.

The dangerous tendency in modern culture is to affiliate so fiercely with only like-minded individuals that we cut off meaningful communication with those beyond our own small interest group. This is what affords us the dubious freedom to judge, condemn and even justify the consequences of others not in our group. We see it vividly in the sickness of partisan politics, feeding off the money making enterprise of news media all in the service of making hate speakers millionaires. And we, the sheep, allow them to whip us into frenzy. It is the most virulent infection in modern culture and I hope and pray something emerges to alter the chemistry.

As always I welcome your comments.

Tuesday, Palm Springs, California

It was almost a half century ago this week, in 1951 that perhaps the greatest classic television show of all time made its debut. I Love Lucy set the standard for comedy on television. Among the incalculable assets of the show were the stars, both big screen movie actors, Lucille Ball and husband, Desi Arnaz.

After two decades as a Hollywood ingenue and film comedian, Lucille turned to the new medium at age forty. She and Desi, a cuban musician had been for ten years. It took some persuasion to convince CBS that the audience would believe she and this latino actor were really married. But Lucy insisted and the show went on. Its popularity was sealed almost immediately. Lucy’s incredible capacity for physical comedy, especially as beautiful as she was, captivated the viewers.

And of course like any great sitcom, the writing was superb and the supporting cast perfect. No one can think about the how without also recalling Fred and Ethel, the Ricardo’s neighbors, landlords and friends. The hilarious predicaments of Lucy and Ethel made for legendary television comedy.

What Does It Mean?

In some ways, I Love Lucy is a feminist show. Here is a woman of prodigious talent and ability who, given the culture and time was not encouraged to branch out and have a successful career. Unlike the men of her time who were pushed to have education and career success women were pressed to find their place as a homemaker and caretaker for their working husbands.

Now of course this is a noble option that millions of modern women choose today. But in Lucy’s time it did not feel like an option. The irony of the show is that Lucy’s escapades, abetted by Ethel, were designed to launch her career in show business. In other words she was a woman in a show struggling to get a show.

The challenge for Lucy was confronting the stereotypes of her day about what woman were encouraged to do and what they were dissuaded from doing. While women still lag behind men in many areas in the job market, certainly a lot has changed in a half century.

Monday, Palm Springs, California

It has not been on the air for many years but Heckle & Jeckle were staples on television for more than two decades in the fifties and sixties. They were curious, politically incorrect cartoon characters that were often shown with the iconic cartoon Mighty Mouse. The show was created by Paul Terry and his studio, Terrytoons.

Heckle & Jeckle were two huge crows, or magpies as they are sometimes called. One had a Brooklyn accent and the other a British accent (although it was hard to tell which was which since sometimes the writers reversed their identities). Their adventures frequently pitted them against mean foes. Sometimes the opponent was a nasty person but often it was a bully dog, an ornery bull or some other obnoxious animal. Heckle & Jeckle embodied cynicism and saw through the phony facade of manipulative characters.

Heckle & Jeckle were tough, urban creatures who spared no enemy from rough and humiliating treatment. The shows were typically filled with comic violence which is probably why they stopped being shown as political correctness emerged. But the viewers of their time were very familiar with cartoon characters that were aggressive and solved problems with violence. Other such tough cartoon characters included Bugs Bunny, mice Tom & Jerry, the cat and bird rivalry of Sylvester & Tweetie and Woody Woodpecker. All of these shows and their characters solved problems with the finality of mano a mano combat.

To see an illustration of the characters, click here

What Do We Learn

Heckle & Jeckle debuted on the movie screen in 1946 at a time in when Americans were focused on their relief about the end of the cataclysmic World War. And in that war our closest ally was, of course, England. America’s political and psychological attachment to England was at its zenith and stories of the war often contrasted the British culture with our own.

One of the most visible characteristics of this cultural contrast was certainly the accent. Americans have always admired the civility of the English tongue and often felt self-conscious about the less cultured twang of our own speech. This is especially true when listening to a cultivated Londoner speaking to a Brooklyn mug.

And so this contrast comes to animated life with Heckle & Jeckle. Not surprisingly the inspiration for their names derives from the famous characters of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - the two identities of a man suffering florid Dissociative Personality Disorder.

In the post war years Americans were trying to find their equilibrium and live in a world of momentary peace. We struggled with two competing inner impulses: a readiness for aggression against perceived threats and a desire for a civilized connection to those around us. This is a long story in humanity. How do we keep ourselves prepared to defend our lives and live out a higher value of peaceable relationship with strangers all around us.

Friday, Mason City, Iowa

Two days in Iowa are a reminder that there is no place in America is immune from the staggering changes swamping the culture. Despite holding onto a remnant of its rural, Midwestern charm and simplicity, the impact of Television and the Internet have fundamentally altered the social and psychological landscape of every nook of the country. The principle distinction between places these days is simply the topography and scenery. Other than that, the retail is more similar than not and the cultural references are identical between Los Angeles, Birmingham and here in Mason City, Iowa.

From the Best Buy to the Mexican food and the state of the art medical facilities available to us, it makes we wonder about the motivation so many have to leave the place where they grow up. Of course I understand the differences between life in a large metropolis and a small agricultural community. But as time goes on I am less persuaded that making the choice of one place over another is as consequential to the quality of one’s life as it was in times past.

Having grown up and lived in New York, experiencing the city and the surrounding suburbs for most of my life I am now happily ensconced in the Midwest. And I can certainly point out the differences between the lifestyles.

Despite these vivid contrasts the values of the popular culture encroach every space in the country. The rural kids listen to rap, wear their pants sliding down and turn out in droves for the American Idol auditions. Life is changing here as fast as it is there. The kids here are growing up and eagerly leaving home just like they are every place else.

The challenges of living remains similar wvwerywhere. We are all in need of family, friends and meaningful work. The people of Iowa are just as stressed as the people in Chicago. The location and the scenery on the set may differ, but I am less convinced than ever that moving and leaving is all that we think it’s cracked up to be.

Wherever we live we still need Refrigerator Rights relationships.

Thursday, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Dr. Gunnar Ollsen is a senior research fellow at the Teletherapy Institute in Fowler Indiana. He was born in Holland and emigrated to the U.S. as a teenager. He became addicted to television, typically devoting over one hundred hours each week to watching. Sent by his parents to counseling, he then developed a reaction formation and became committed to spreading the idea that television is destroying American civilization. He now devotes his life to the science of teletherapy - the study of hidden meanings in television programs. He responded to a recent entry to this journal:

Dr. Will,

I saw your entry on the disease of codependence. And of course you are wrong. For one thing you completely ignored the impact of television as a principle cause of this terrible ailment. In fact, codependence is a psychological illness that is triggered by inappropriate television viewing. The numbing effect of mindless, uncritical television watching can reinforce unconscious impulses which lead to codependent behavior.

The reason is that television often creates images of idealized lifestyles. These images include vivid depictions of people who have better personalities than you, are more physically attractive than you, wealthier than you, and happier than you. This can induce self loathing in some people.

Look at the individuals on Bay Watch. Now look at yourself in the mirror and consider your own life. Let’s be honest, yours pales in comparison. You are not as beautiful, endowed, or blessed as they are in any way and, this is key, you have no hope of ever achieving these assets in this life. Ever.

For some people, this thought becomes so depressing that it compels them to punish themselves. It raises thoughts of personal unworthiness. It engenders the idea that you are worthless refuse fit only to serve those around you in a self emptying manner.

This feeling is of unworthiness is the sum and substance of Codependence. You become a servant to everyone around you. Their needs are important, yours are not. This is the twisted thinking of the codependent. And what is terrifying is that some studies estimate that the incidence of Codependence in America is 80% of the adult population according to my research. And no wonder, there is a television in every home and Bay Watch is the “most widely viewed program in the world.” (Spoken by David Hasselhoff to Benny Hill, February, 1991)

If care-taking is an essential ingredient of codependency, does this mean that Alice, the Brady’s housekeeper, is codependent? Not necessarily. What about the Nanny? Not likely. Codependency is taking care of others in order to feel good about ourselves; it is caretaking in an unhealthy way. With this in mind, it is probable that Mrs. Baxter is more codependent than her maid, Hazel. A codependent is in a psychological prison. The role one plays in society does not always indicate the illness. Sometimes it is easy to spot a codependent.

Even a child with limited intellect and poor grades would say that Olive Oyl was in the advanced stages of the disease. Everyone knows Col. Henry Blake’s Codependence was quite progressed. Other famous Television codependents include Mary Richards, Barnaby Jones, Lassie, the Skipper, and Oscar Madison. So efore you start lapping your gums with your inane psychobabble, Doctor, stop and think. It’s Television! Tevelvision! Television!

God bless and have a great viewing day!

Gunnar

Teletherapy’s Eight Signs of Codependency

1. A persistent sense of humiliation while watching television

2. Feelings of rage toward Marsha Brady

3. Strong suspicion that many of the jokes on Friends are targeted at you and your ilk

4. Experiencing odor memory of an unpleasant early trauma while viewing Mr. Ed

5. Deep desire to personally intervene while watching Mary Tyler Moore

6. Nausea during the Incredible Hulk

7. Powerful, lingering connection to the characters on Cheers

8. You have been in a close personal relationship with at least four people who were later sent to prison (The criminal activity most the television related)

Wednesday, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Back Away, Mother!

New York comedian Ray Romano anchored one of the most successful sitcoms in television history. Everybody Loves Raymond had a ten year run (1996-2005). It stood popular along with other television classics of its decade like Seinfeld, Frasier and Friends.

Ray plays sports writer Raymond Barone and revolves around his soap opera life with wife Debra and three kids, including twin sons (Ray has twin sons in real life). Adding to the comedy is one of the great characters in television comedy history, the gigantic comic Brad Garrett who plays Ray’s brother Robert.

The show’s principle tension, however centers on the young family’s complex, Freudian relationship with Ray’s intrusive mother and angry father, played to perfection by legendary actors and Doris Roberts and Peter Boyle. So strong is this mother that Ray habitually defends her even at the expense of peace in his own marriage.

What Does It Mean?

Everybody Loves Raymond depicts a classic case of an enmeshed family with the children and parents unable to separate from each other, long after the appropriate time. Millions of people can relate to the challenges of separating from invasive parents. When mom and dad refuse to acknowledge the adult individuality of their adult children, the results are a caldron of guilt, anger and misunderstandings that make matters worse. Ray and Robert are both in the sway of this overbearing matriarch who refuses to reflect on her own neurotic conflict that results in resentment from the children rather than the gratitude she expects.

Many adult parents struggle to emotionally detach from their grown children and sometimes these children remain stuck to their parents. Separation does not mean ignoring or abandoning your parents. It means taking on the challenging task of redefining your relationship with your parents based on mutual respect pride and an unending love. It is never healthy to remain attached based on submission and childish servitude.

What is the nature of your emotional attachment to your own parents. Whether they are living or dead, maturity demands the hard work of redefining the relationship so that mutuality is the foundation of your loving attachment. Clearly Raymond and Robert have not yet achieved this equilibrium. So in reality not everybody would really love Raymond and his creepy bond with mother.

In addition to the comments I receive though the journal, I get lots of terrific email either commenting or correcting something I said.

I really appreciate the feedback.

If there is anything you particularly like or dislike,

I would love to have a site that you are eager recommend to your friends

Will

Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana
Special Guest: Sean Boyd

(For the original post go to the archives and look up May 8th)

Sean Boyd was Dr. Will’s patient for two years as part of a court ordered agreement to be treated for anger management. He was a Catholic priest for six years but left as a result of a fist fight with his Bishop over Bingo receipts. He now owns a pub in Wheaton, Illinois called “The Irish Brogue.” He has devoted his spare time to a newsletter for ex-priests and nuns called “The Lost Frock.”
Dr. Will,

I noticed your post over the weekend about that Irish whack job, Sinead O’Connor. I vividly recall that incident when she desecrated the photo of the Holy Father. That was a shocking scandal to be sure. In fact, I hustled down to the NBC studios that very night and was prepared to confront Sinead and pop her one for all her insults. And that goes for anyone who was with her. But unfortunately I got a speeding ticket on the Wet Side Highway and never made it. She was lucky that night I’ll tell you!

What is it with these spoiled singers and their antics onstage? Here’s my theory. When someone becomes a celebrity they are suddenly surrounded by a bunch of suck ups who cater to their every whim, They have agents, assistants and other helpers who spend their time making sure that the precious cargo that is their boss is never inconvenienced or put in a situation of discomfort. From schlepping their personal belongings to demanding that everyone encountering the star is deferential to their whims and needs the star is shielded from typical human suffering.

In other words, the celebrity never has to feel upset. So as a result they feel that what they say is significant and what they feel must be acknowledged.

So Sinead and her ilk are so indulged that they feel they can say or do anything. Whoever doesn’t like it can just blow it out their nose. Here’s what I think should be done with the Sinead O’Connors of the world. A good thrashing. But not by me, of course, I have NEVER - and I mean NEVER popped a woman or a boy. And anyone who says otherwise…well, I will pop them one good.
A lot of so called regular people are now acting as if they are a celebrity or should be treated like one. These people need to be popped if you ask me.

I call these the ten indicators that you are spoiled celebrity:

1. You never carry luggage

2. You never sit in the front passenger seat of an automobile

3. You are able to use the phrase “my people”

4. You have never cooked a meal

5. You never do laundry

6. Each morning your wardrobe is selected by others

7. You shoelaces are usually tied by someone else

8. If a group’s attention is focused on someone else, you immediately leave

9. You hide your face from paparazzi that you had personally arranged to be present

10. Your annual payment to a plastic surgeon exceeds the annual salary of the average American

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

A person can be described as a codependent when they are in a relationship with a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol and yet they somehow feel a sense of personal responsibility for what has happened to the addict. The codependent person then sets out to “rescue” or “fix” the addict, and take on the personal responsibility of making the addict well. Codependence is described as an illness because the endeavor is not only fruitless, but self diminishing. It doesn’t cure the addict and makes the enabler vulnerable to further emotional and physical harm.

Most Americans are familiar with the term codependent.” It is almost always associated with the people, usually the spouse and family of addicts. Whether they are addicted to alcohol or other drugs, these are the individuals who “enable” the addict to continue their using behavior. codependents do not confront the addict in their life, but instead minimize or excuse the behavior, allowing the person to continue their addiction, even when it wrecks their life as well.

If you’re unsure what a codependent person looks like, consider television characters like Marge Simpson, who tolerates Homer’s self-destructive behavior. Or think that Edith Bunker, of All in the Family who endures Archie’s florid personality disorder. Or consider the countless numbers of characters depicted in television programs, where spouses all are subjected to physical and verbal abuse, but continues to defend their addicted spouse, and tolerate the terrible behavior endlessly.

What about you? That’s not all we easy easy to distinguish between tolerating the human weaknesses of an intimate close partner, in the name of love, and when this tolerance become self defeating, codependent. in many cases, this impulse to take care of people wearing needy or week, his accommodation of how would we are wired, and our home early experiences with nurturing. But the bottom line is that real love involves empowering our partners to live lives that are fully human and fully alive. It does not involve a pattern of continually rescuing them from the ways in which they hurt themselves and hurt us.

A healthy relationship is one where each partner enables the other to love them back. A healthy relationship does not involve and unending cycle of rescuing by another from patterns of behavior that are self destructive. in the end, codependence not only does not help the addicts, it diminishes our own life as well, which ironically makes us useless both to ourselves and to the addict with whom we are in love.

For more on codependence CLICK HERE