Wednesday, Appleton, Wisconsin

Sigmund Freud is acknowledged for developing the psychological counseling technique known as psychoanalysis. A core principle of that theory is the idea of repression. As scary as the term can sound repression is a routine defense used by each of us in order to manage our thinking and actions in life.

In its most benign form repression enables us to organize our conscious thought and “put away” in the mind’s vault if you will information, memories and ideas that are not needed in the moment. For instances it is not likely that right now you are thinking about…elephants…until right now, that is. By mentioning the word elephant you instantly conjure from you unconscious the notion of the beast. Until I brought it to your conscious awareness, it was, quite simply repressed. So repression is a normal human function.

However, repression can also be used to keep at bay thoughts and their associated feelings that are emotionally uncomfortable. When we experience something particularly traumatic or uncomfortable it is a natural reaction to want to “forget about it” or repress it. And any of us can testify the experience of having an uncomfortable thought or memory popping up into our minds despite our desire to keep it buried.

Among the curious features of repression is that we can sometimes see it more vividly in another person that we can in ourselves. We can almost feel a person’s emotional discomfort when reminded of an experience that rattles them. Let’s take an example from television.

The Repression of Sue Ann Nivens

Sue Ann Nivens is a classic character from the famous Mary Tyler Moore Show. At WJM she hosted a cooking show and was often the butt of joked by the other staff. But she was also an individual who was repressing a significant reservoir of rage. And in so doing we watch her and realize that, despite our best efforts to mask our inner feelings, others usually see through our outer shield of warmth and into the fire of hostility inside.

Behind her false smile and cheery persona, Sue Ann is obviously a very angry person. Why? We can never know for sure. However, the fact that she is so easily set off indicates that she was probably emotionally injured as a young child. Sometimes these emotional injuries can appear slight at the time, but for some reason leave a lasting impression on the psyche. It could be rejection by peers at a vulnerable time, a too stern parent who unwittingly encouraged her to repress her feelings of frustrations. As was said, we will never know.

What is clear, however, is that Sue Ann has chronic difficulty in all her relationships. She is both fascinated and threatened by Mary, who is someone she aspires to be but feels can never become. But over time, her friendships at WJM would have softened her to change. Perhaps she might even seek therapy.

I am confident that after a year of weekly visits, she could actually experience inside what she so actively portrays on the outside. Imagine an authentically polite “Happy Homemaker?”

What about you? Do you mask your volcanic rage behind the thin veneer of a false happy face? Trust me, others can fel your percolating fury. Think about getting help. Have a great day!