Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

Watching the exciting American League Championship series won by the Boston Red Sox, there were several occasions when the managers decided to change pitchers. As the cameras focused on the huddle surrounding the outgoing pitcher while they all waited for the new man to come into the game, what I noticed was the amount of time every single player turned around and spit!. In some cases they spewed every couple of seconds!

And of course I understand the need for men who chew tobacco to spit. Although this too is revolting, the spewing is a necessity. But even here most have the decency to spit into a cup or a spittoon. (Can you imagine having a career that required spittoon maintenance?) No here I am referring to the impulse to just spit out whatever has accumulated in your maw that the rest of us seem to be able to tolerate or…get this…swallow!

Why is that so many men, especially athletes, feel the need to expectorate in public on lawns, sidewalks, streets and parks? Certainly over the years I have had some few occasions when I felt this compulsion, but it is rare and usually associated with having a cold or chest congestion. I certainly don’t turn and repeatedly let fly like these ballplayers.

Now without getting too graphic, I have also noticed that most of the players with this discharge compulsion most often have very little saliva that needs to be expelled. In other words, at the very least it seems they could hold off, let some of their apparently unbearable mouth flood build up and blow it out far fewer times.

In New York City it is a decades old tradition that riders are warned that spitting will not be tolerated in the subways. I presume this is because chronic spraying was a serious problem way back when in the subway system. They also outlawed smoking years ago. yet this ban makes perfect sense to me because I understand a concept of addiction. People addicted to tobacco need help in curtailing their habit in certain situations. But is spitting really to be compared with addiction of smoking?

Certainly some athletes are able to control this impulse. For example, I don’t remember ever seeing a basketball player hawk a lewie onto the court. I don’t think hockey players spit much, because of the danger of fouling the ice surface. Football players probably don’t spit a lot because of the risk of blow back into their own face mask.

The point here is that, in my judgment, spitting in public is a disgusting habit that we have tolerated far too long. We’ve spent too much time looking the other way and ignoring this grotesque anti-social habit. I don’t want to be exposed to your internal body fluids. With new strains of germs and super bugs out there, we can ill afford to have the infected saliva of millions of uncouth slobs strewn about the streets and sidewalks of America.

I say we pass a law that demands that men keep their liquids inside where they belong! If you continue to offend we can make ou wear the spit mask that the police sometimes use. Until then, if you must expel some saliva, for the love of God use the restroom!

Let’s join together and stop public spitting now before something the worse happens: WOMEN WHO SPIT!!

Oh the humanity!