Thursday, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Dr. Gunnar Ollsen is a senior research fellow at the Teletherapy Institute in Fowler Indiana. He was born in Holland and emigrated to the U.S. as a teenager. He became addicted to television, typically devoting over one hundred hours each week to watching. Sent by his parents to counseling, he then developed a reaction formation and became committed to spreading the idea that television is destroying American civilization. He now devotes his life to the science of teletherapy - the study of hidden meanings in television programs. He responded to a recent entry to this journal:

Dr. Will,

I saw your entry on the disease of codependence. And of course you are wrong. For one thing you completely ignored the impact of television as a principle cause of this terrible ailment. In fact, codependence is a psychological illness that is triggered by inappropriate television viewing. The numbing effect of mindless, uncritical television watching can reinforce unconscious impulses which lead to codependent behavior.

The reason is that television often creates images of idealized lifestyles. These images include vivid depictions of people who have better personalities than you, are more physically attractive than you, wealthier than you, and happier than you. This can induce self loathing in some people.

Look at the individuals on Bay Watch. Now look at yourself in the mirror and consider your own life. Let’s be honest, yours pales in comparison. You are not as beautiful, endowed, or blessed as they are in any way and, this is key, you have no hope of ever achieving these assets in this life. Ever.

For some people, this thought becomes so depressing that it compels them to punish themselves. It raises thoughts of personal unworthiness. It engenders the idea that you are worthless refuse fit only to serve those around you in a self emptying manner.

This feeling is of unworthiness is the sum and substance of Codependence. You become a servant to everyone around you. Their needs are important, yours are not. This is the twisted thinking of the codependent. And what is terrifying is that some studies estimate that the incidence of Codependence in America is 80% of the adult population according to my research. And no wonder, there is a television in every home and Bay Watch is the “most widely viewed program in the world.” (Spoken by David Hasselhoff to Benny Hill, February, 1991)

If care-taking is an essential ingredient of codependency, does this mean that Alice, the Brady’s housekeeper, is codependent? Not necessarily. What about the Nanny? Not likely. Codependency is taking care of others in order to feel good about ourselves; it is caretaking in an unhealthy way. With this in mind, it is probable that Mrs. Baxter is more codependent than her maid, Hazel. A codependent is in a psychological prison. The role one plays in society does not always indicate the illness. Sometimes it is easy to spot a codependent.

Even a child with limited intellect and poor grades would say that Olive Oyl was in the advanced stages of the disease. Everyone knows Col. Henry Blake’s Codependence was quite progressed. Other famous Television codependents include Mary Richards, Barnaby Jones, Lassie, the Skipper, and Oscar Madison. So efore you start lapping your gums with your inane psychobabble, Doctor, stop and think. It’s Television! Tevelvision! Television!

God bless and have a great viewing day!

Gunnar

Teletherapy’s Eight Signs of Codependency

1. A persistent sense of humiliation while watching television

2. Feelings of rage toward Marsha Brady

3. Strong suspicion that many of the jokes on Friends are targeted at you and your ilk

4. Experiencing odor memory of an unpleasant early trauma while viewing Mr. Ed

5. Deep desire to personally intervene while watching Mary Tyler Moore

6. Nausea during the Incredible Hulk

7. Powerful, lingering connection to the characters on Cheers

8. You have been in a close personal relationship with at least four people who were later sent to prison (The criminal activity most the television related)