Wednesday, Boston, Massachusetts

Most times I find that new studies on health matters square with common sense. General observation tells you that excesses in smoking, calories and illicit drugs are associated with bad endings. The findings in most health related research are not usually a big surprise as much as they are a confirmation of what we have long suspected.

And so it is with a new study that focused on women who keep silent when arguing with their spouse. It found that they have an increased risk of health problems. Huh! Ya think!?

Published in July in the Journal Psychosomatic Medicine the results showed that “married women who keep silent during marital disputes have a greater chance of dying from heart disease and other conditions than women who speak their minds.”

The study added,"Women who ‘self-silenced’ were four times more likely to die during the study than women who said they always spoke out.”

Men on the other hand are able to keep things bottled up with little adverse effect. Another of life’s curious injustices.

The advice to women, then is obvious. As Elaine Eaker, the lead researcher stated, "When in conflict with your spouse, it helps to express yourself." Over all, marriage is good for long life. For men especially it adds seven years, while only two for women. This presumes, however that the nature of the marriage is relatively peaceful. A highly stressed marriage can shorten your life more dramatically than a calm and happy single life.

As far as marital conflict is concerned the study revealed an interesting variable. When couples used the collective pronouns like “we” and "us” they did better than when the individuals used the singular pronouns like “I” or “me.” The “I” and “me” couples fared much more poorly in their health.

In addition, the recovery time for couples after arguments was much slower when there was hostility in the dialogue, like insults, accusations and even rolling one’s eyes. In other words, fighting that dismisses instead of listens is more destructive to our health as well as our marriage. And women take longer to heal than men.

The bottom line is that while arguing and conflict may be a natural part of any close relationship, the style of disagreement is a crucial variable. And women must especially beware!