Tuesday, Lafayette, Indiana

After scanning through this journal since it began the word narcissism appears nine times. This should not be surprising since every therapist encounters individuals who are narcissistic and struggle with how to treat them. The disorder also comes up quite frequently since many people in the public eye - the famous and the infamous - are florid narcissists. This week is no exception, of course with the story of one of our most disturbed narcissists, O.J. Simpson.

Under arrest for his clownish, albeit dangerous escapade in Las Vegas this past weekend, Simpson. chose to settle a property matter the way narcissists always do - with absurdly poor judgement. It will be very interesting to see if he can escape this latest claim on his personal responsibility. If he is finally cornered how will he react? It might help to understand the pathology of narcissism.

We hear the term narcissism spoken freely in the society these days but often people misapply the term. There is a distinct difference between self-involvement - selfishness, if you will - and a full blown narcissistic personality. In the era of obsession with building and protecting self esteem, we have created a culture of young individuals with a full blown sense of unearned entitlement. Thanks to parents simply ”telling” their kids how great they are, instead of helping them become accomplished, two out of three college age students test above average for narcissistic characteristics.

What is the difference between having narcissistic tendencies (which we all have at times) and a full blown narcissistic personality? In general narcissistic people project an image of perfection that is in reality a defense against their deep insecurity. Narcissists convey grandiosity to keep others from seeing their fear and vulnerability. It is critical to them that others never see them as weak or incompetent.

And this strategy often works quite well for the person. They often become successful as a result of their grandiosity and belief in their own potential. So it is not surprising that narcissists often succeed in business, politics, entertainment celebrities, physicians and attorneys.

The down side comes when an unexpected catastrophe occurs that breaks through their illusions of self importance. When an illness, career reversal depression or ARREST interrupts their self perception the veneer of invincibility can crumble very quickly.

Indications that you are a narcissist

-Weeping at a funeral you tell a person consoling you that you’re upset that it has ruined your afternoon plans

- At a family dinner you’re forced to put back the inappropriately excess portions you took before other guests

- You always grab the best seat assuming you deserve it

- It takes you at least two hours each morning for you to groom yourself for the day

- You use the term “loser” at least several times each day describing others

- Most people you meet soon come to hate you

- Although you are often described as obnoxious, you interpret it to mean you’re strong

- Playing a board game with the family, you gloat when you win & toss the board when you lose

- At gatherings you rarely look at the person speaking but scan over them to see someone more important

- To avoid waiting in line you show up in a rented wheelchair

- At least half your annual income is derived from scamming elderly relatives