Tuesday, Providence, Rhode Island

Dr. Gunnar Ollsen was born in Holland and emigrated to the U.S. as a teenager. He soon became addicted to television, typically devoting over one hundred hours each week to watching. Sent by his parents to counseling, he then developed a reaction formation and became committed to spreading the idea that television is destroying American civilization. He now devotes his life to, in his words, “killing television before it kills us!” He sent the following:

Dr. Will,

Here is an article I recently submitted to the New York Times. So far no response but I hereby give you permission to print it.

Despite what you may think, I have a balanced view about television. But I believe we are in dreamland when it comes to its dangers. Like any household equipment, television can be a valued convenience or an instrument of death. Of all the household appliances, I believe that only the refrigerator has killed more people. It is ruining millions of children each year and parents must be on guard for the early signs of television related problems. And there are many emotional, social, and psychological illnesses unique to television viewers.

For starters, here is a list of five television related maladies that I have personally identified. I am appalled that these have never been defined or described in the self help literature.

Television Separation Stare: When unable to be near a television, the victim is so anxious, that they become transfixed by any object whose shape resembles a television. In extreme cases, victims have been known to sit motionless in front of a microwave oven and even the dark opening of a dog house.

Cartoon Phonics Disorder: Over-identification with animated characters with speech impediments creates chronic phonetic difficulty.

Ryan Screen Fungus: This rare condition whereby the victim watches TV immediately after invigorating physical activity and while still perspiring. Such prolonged viewing in damp clothing triggers a skin fungus. It was named after Michael Ryan whose television induced fungus was so severe his skin had a permanent green hue.

Cable Wire Phobia: A condition of extreme fear that the cable system will malfunction and cut the victim off from viewing. A related condition is known as SDAC (“Satellite Dish Aiming Compulsion”) which describes a compulsion to constantly realign a satellite dish for better reception. These conditions often require hospitalization during thunderstorms.

Goodson-Toddson Reactive Narcalepsy: Over-dependency on the action of game shows creating a tendency to nod off during any perceived lapse of excitement.

And the list goes on! I have personally identified over two dozen psychological disorders directly related t television viewing. I believe America is circling the drain and it is television that is flushing us all away.

Think about it!