Boston, Massachusetts

Therapists spend a lot of time confronting the problems people have with their conflicted feelings about their self, in other words, their self image. Not surprisingly the challenge is either a distortedly inflated sense of self (narcissism) or a devalued sense of self (depression). The job of the counselor is to help them find the right middle ground - valuing the self but with a capacity for humility. Those who find this balance clearly live the most rewarding lives.

Studies have repeatedly shown that Americans lead he developed world in stress related disorders (25% of us have a significant problem with stress). This means that far too many of us are living with an unacceptable level of angst. What do we do about this? One obvious answer, of course is to get this fixed with the help of a professional - a therapist, clergy counselor or perhaps a life coach. Whichever strategy is chosen the challenge is the same. How do I take care of myself and yet keep my expectations about life’s sufferings in healthy perspective?

I have always been a believer in the power of distraction. We use distraction all the time. We take our mind off the difficulties of our lives by immersing ourselves in an activity that carries us away. Some are highly adaptive - hobbies, involvement with our family or faith group. And some are, of course, maladaptive - drugs, alcohol or addictive habits of television, Internet use or even work.

The use of adaptive distraction is as old as humanity and is not something to be avoided. In fact, it is a crucial life survival skill. But the most organic and native form of distraction is the active engagement with other people who care about us. Time spent with family and close friends offer the solution to the rigors of our stressful lives. These are the people with whom we can candidly share our feelings and who immediately encourage us. These are the individuals that tell us the truth so that our sense of self cannot become over inflated. These are our Refrigerator Rights Friends and they are the most profound source of constructive distraction we can ever bope to find.

How are you distracting yourself?
Are you doing it with useless or harmful habits?
Or are you involved in the life of others who keep you balanced?